Hey luxury bathroom, it's me lowly closet. Watch your back.

You know what a lot of girls don't do? Guys who take ceramics.

Trust me, when I get done talking to her not only will she have confessed to the crime, I might even sell her a closet.

Gloria: Some people you turn your back for one second and they have another family from the bad side of town.
Jay: You ARE my other family from the bad side of town.

Manny: You have to face it Jay, one day I’m gonna be moving out of this house.
Jay: Can I get that in writing? Cause I just can’t shake this image of a 30 year old you, eating my food and cuddling with my wife.
Gloria: Boys should never stop cuddling their mothers.
Jay: I’m gonna have nightmares!

Jay: I’m waiting for a phone call from my doctor’s office. Please rate your prostate exam. Would you say you were satisfied?
Gloria: I hope you weren’t!

Jay: Hi hunnie.
Gloria: I got in trouble.
Jay: Whatever she did, add it to my tab.

I think I’m recording the game but you can never know. The last time I got 6 hours of Bravo.

Jay: Why do you look like that when I look like this?
Manny: My friends say it’s because of your money.

I'm fine, he's only one. I watched him pee into his own face and smile.

Jay: Trees are like women, the best ones make you work just a little bit harder.
Manny: She’s just not that into you.

Closet Con is the premiere North American trade show for the closet industry. I stopped going years ago because it’s a trade show for the closet industry.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

[Singing] You are not the man you used to be. You get up four times at night to pee. Ba da dum da dum tat ta ta ta. You're super duper old now.

Phil