Elliot: So I guess your date sucked, huh?
J.D.: HA! Why don't you ask her if our date sucked? She's in my room.
Elliot: Twenty bucks says you blow it in less than five minutes.
J.D.: Unlikely. 'Cause what's waiting for me in my room is what's known in football terms as a slam dunk. (Pantomiming a tennis racket swing)
Elliot: One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
Julie: It's soooo late, I have to get going. I have a dog and a fish. I have to walk them and feed them and stuff. I'm Julie. Hi.
Elliot: I was Elliot. (To J.D.) Twenty bucks, pleeeease.
J.D.: Sticks and stones may break my bones...
J.D.'s Narration: ...but words will hurt forever.
J.D.: By the way, Julie's here but I'm not going to kiss and tell.
Elliot: Oh really? Cause I just got your text that said "bone city".
J.D.: Oh really? That came through?
Thanks for doing that. I wanted a picture of us old, you know, that way if one of us dies in a tragic skiing accident we'll always have that memory of us together.
J.D.: How did you know I'd move too fast with Julie?
Elliot: Because I know you!
Dr. Cox: How do you know that I can be that kind of dad?
Carla: Because I know you!
Turk: How did you that Kelso just wanted respect?
Janitor: Because I know him!
Todd: (Watching in the security cameras) Wow! This is so cool!
J.D.'s narration: So I had to use Elliot's advice with Julie. Luckily, she's not great at gloating.
Elliot: Ha ha you had sex last night with a beautiful girl you really like.
J.D.'s narration: Sometimes she needs a little help.
J.D.: You probably meant to say if it weren't for you, I'd still be dating my laptop.
Elliot: Right! In your face! Thank you.
J.D.: I know, I haven't hit it in awhile but there's good reason for that.
Dr. Cox: Two good reasons: his face and his personality.
J.D.: Can you believe we've been talking for two hours?
J.D.: Nah, while you were in the bathroom I set the clocks two hours ahead so you'd think time was just flying by.
Julie: Really? While I was in the bathroom, I wrote my name in the mirror with my finger so the next time you took a hot shower and it fogged up, you'd think ghosts were telling you to be with me.
J.D.: Sooo, Mr. Sutton. When you came in with heartburn, I bet you thought I'd kick your butt right outta here. But, not this guy. I admitted you and I stayed up all night studying your EKG because I had a hunch...and no girlfriend. But, it was mostly the hunch thing. And, that hunch paid off because if I hadn't found that blocked artery you'd be dead right now.
J.D.'s Narration: And here comes the gratitude. The two words every doctor lives to hear.
Mr. Sutton: Later, Dude.
J.D.'s narration: So a patient was a dead and one of us was going to be blamed.
Turk's cell phone of dramatic music plays
J.D.: Dude, you've got to change that ring.
Turk: You think so, huh? (Into phone) Mom, not now.
Turk: Dude, he keeps a hug schedule with his friends!
J.D.: Okay, Turk.. looks like someone's getting crossed off their 2 o' clock spot and getting penciled in for never! How does that feel? Does it sting?
J.D.'s Narration: He's hurting! Hug him.. hug him now!
J.D.: Don't be such a baby! It's a magnetic image. I apologize Mr. Foster. I'm a little upset. My scooter, Sasha, was assassinated this morning.
Turk: Yeah, he was so attached to that thing. He used to wear a bracelet that said "Sasha forever".
J.D.: Come on, Turk. It was just a joke. And I only wore it for one week.
J.D.'s wrist hits the machine
J.D.: Ok so I still wear the bracelet.