I can't believe you all shaved your heads. How great, even Nana. And you don't look creepy or alien-like at all.

Dr. Cox: How's that leukemia patient of yours doing?
J.D.: I'm hiding. I don't really want to be bald. I have a sneaking suspicion that it won't work for me. I think it would accentuate my spoon chest.

Well, right after I got your test results back, I got on the horn with your dad. We started a phone tree, to find everyone. Now, there were some tears, mostly mine, but we got it done.

Turk: Dude, there you are. Two things; First, the aliens are here and they're wearing track suits.
J.D.: Oh, that's Nana.

J.D.: Sometimes you've got to go the extra mile with patients. That's what makes me such a special doctor.
Dr. Cox: That and your amazing ability to switch back and forth, seamlessly, between male and female genitalia.

Tamara: Do I smell banana conditioner?
J.D.: That's one of my conditioners, yes.

J.D.: Why don't you just read lines with the old guy?
Dr. Cox: My job is to make sick people better. Not to help Bernie in there score a slice of Episcopalian tail on opening night.

Personally, me, I believe medicine is about more than treating the disease. You gotta be there for people. Take Mrs. Cohen, when she broke h er hip, I treated that. But she had also left her car double-parked so being an "extra mile" kind of guy, I went and took care of it.

J.D.'s Narration: The key is to be ready for it.
J.D.: I was not ready for this.
Larry: Since Carol is going to lose all of her hair in chemo, we decided to shave all of our heads now. He even agreed to do the cutting.
Dr. Cox: You're up next, there, big guy. I mean, come on. You're all in this together, right?

Carla: J.D., why don't you tell me what's wrong with your patient Mrs. Jones. Without looking at your chart.
J.D.'s Narration: Carla knew that without charts, doctors didn't know much about their patients.
Fantasy
J.D.: Mr. Barry, I misplaced your chart. I forgot, what's wrong with you again? Oh, that's right. You have a kitty cat stuck in your mouth... Or should I say you have a person stuck around you, little guy. Goo-che-goo-che.

Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie. There's a reason I can't go the extra mile with patients. It's uh, something personal.
J.D.: You can confide in me.
Dr. Cox: I'm a good doctor.

Elliot: Oh my god I treated that girl in the free clinic. She was born without nipples.
J.D.: I knew there had to be something wrong with her. She's too perfect.
Elliot: I was kidding J.D., I have never seen her in my life... Kelly Ripa!
Dr. Cox: I told you it would catch on.
J.D.: I don't think it's that funny.

Scrubs Quotes

J.D.: We found you in the park throwing rocks at old couples...
Ted: Why should they be happy!?

J.D.'s Thoughts: Wait, is she in to me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs.
J.D.: Did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with.
Neena: That's really funny!
J.D.'s Narration: Well that's not a fair test - that joke's hilarious.