Hear that, Perry? I'm the most amazing doctor because I went the extra 5,280 feet. What's that? That's right, it's a mile!

J.D.'s Narration: The key is to be ready for it.
J.D.: I was not ready for this.
Larry: Since Carol is going to lose all of her hair in chemo, we decided to shave all of our heads now. He even agreed to do the cutting.
Dr. Cox: You're up next, there, big guy. I mean, come on. You're all in this together, right?

Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie. There's a reason I can't go the extra mile with patients. It's uh, something personal.
J.D.: You can confide in me.
Dr. Cox: I'm a good doctor.

Elliot: Oh my god I treated that girl in the free clinic. She was born without nipples.
J.D.: I knew there had to be something wrong with her. She's too perfect.
Elliot: I was kidding J.D., I have never seen her in my life... Kelly Ripa!
Dr. Cox: I told you it would catch on.
J.D.: I don't think it's that funny.

J.D.'s Narration: Keith was shockingly good at pretending to like crappy presents. But you know what he was best at?
J.D.: Keith, we need more popcorn... yeah!
J.D.'s Narration: Being girl bait. Here's how it goes down. Keith comes back. Elliot marks her territory so that the girls knows he's taken. And I just pick off one of the smaller, weaker ones who come by for a look-see.
J.D.: I'm a doctor. I'm a landowner. Burt Reynolds is my father. I love sports.

J.D.: ...you just gave me some good advice about how to deal about Elliot. Coocheecoochee coo!
Dr. Kelso: Can I fire him?
Dr. Cox: Sleep on it.

Turk: Hey White Shadow.
J.D.: That's not my handle.
Turk: Hey Gizmo.

J.D.: Wow.
Lisa: It's just so unfair!
Gloria: So unfair.
J.D.: It really is unfair you guys.

Turk: (To someone off camera) Alright, look. I know I said I wanted to go by myself to get tested today. But I've been doing some thinking andI'm scared. So it would mean a lot if you went with me.
J.D.: Of course, buddy.

J.D.'s narration: People were starting to talk about Elliot and Keith but I decided to stay above the fray. Then I changed my mind.
(J.D. joins a group of nurses in a circle)
J.D.: Can you believe those two?
Laverne: No I can't. All that carrying on in public.
Nurse: It's way too much.
J.D.: It's just too much. Sorry, I switched places so I could go again.

J.D.: Are you nude right now?
Turk: Yeah! How'd you know?
J.D.: Your voice is always higher when you're nude.
Turk: That's true.
Dr. Cox: It's not weird you know that at all.

Turk: I may be sterile.
Carla: Oh honey, stay calm. Nobody knows but us.
J.D.: (Over watchie-talkie) You firing blanks, buddy?

Scrubs Quotes

Dr. Kelso: Ahhh! Dr. Turkleton!
Turk: Actually, sir, it's Turk.
Dr. Kelso: That's your first name.
Turk: You think my name is Turk Turkleton?

Hey, everybody. This place has dynamite lamb.

J.D.