J.D.: Mrs. Levin has dementia, Rex. And I know she loves sweets, so take the pill, put it in some raspberry jam, put it on your finger, dip it in her mouth. Hello!
J.D.'s narration: Rex would forever remember that morning as the time he lost his finger tip.
- Permalink: Mrs. Levin has dementia, Rex. And I know she loves sweets, so ta...
(At a sterility clinic) Excuse me, are any of the reading materials in there available for those of us out here?
- Permalink: Excuse me, are any of the reading materials in there available f...
Turk: Hey White Shadow.
J.D.: That's not my handle.
Turk: Hey Gizmo.
- Permalink: Hey White Shadow. That's not my handle. Hey Gizmo.
Turk: You know I'm not comfortable getting busy with myself?
J.D.: Well, you are in luck. This happens to be my specialty. Here is a tip: If you can't get over the fact that you are doing it to yourself, sit on your arm until it falls asleep then pull it out and use that. I call it "The Stranger".
Turk: If I ever have kids, you are NEVER allowed to baby-sit them.
- Permalink: You know I'm not comfortable getting busy with myself? If you...
Turk: (To someone off camera) Alright, look. I know I said I wanted to go by myself to get tested today. But I've been doing some thinking andI'm scared. So it would mean a lot if you went with me.
J.D.: Of course, buddy.
- Permalink: Alright, look. I know I said I wanted to go by myself to get tes...
Dr. Cox: (Entering room full with people) Ok, Lester! We are having this right here, right now! (Looks around) Oh, for the love of God, what is this? Some getting-in-touch-with-my-feelings-because-momma-didn't-love-me group?
J.D.: Yes, is that what is?
Dr. Hedrick: Actually...this is a support group for the terminally ill.
- Permalink: Ok, Lester! We are having this right here, right now! Oh, for t...
J.D.: Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: Yeah newbie, what do ya got?
J.D.: That guy looks fantastic. What do you think he's dying of, a case of the handsomes?
- Permalink: Dr. Cox? Yeah newbie, what do ya got? That guy looks fantast...
Dr. Cox: Oh, what are we still doing this, we have seen people in Mrs. Wilks' shape turn it around, right?
J.D.: She can totally turn it around.
Dr. Hedrick: Denial. Yeah... it's not uncommon for people close to the patient also going through the five stages of grief.
Dr. Cox: Is not denial, she could rally.
J.D.: Yeah, totally rally.
Dr. Hedrick: Oh, yeah, I mean look at her. She could be in a vitamin commercial.
Dr. Cox: How will you like to be in a broken jaw commercial?
Dr. Hedrick: Can't help me. I don't care if it does give me cancer, I just love this fake sugar. (Leaves)
Dr. Cox: If he keeps ignoring my threats...I'm gonna have to hit him.
- Permalink: Oh, what are we still doing this, we have seen people in Mrs. Wi...
(Dr. Cox and J.D. are holding onto the ceiling)
Dr. Cox: Pretty strong there, Newbie.
J.D.'s narration: (Yawns) I was not. But hopefully, the duct tape I used to connect my prosthetic arms was.
(They both fall and J.D.'s arms are still on the ceiling)
J.D.: Ow. (Takes arms)
- Permalink: Pretty strong there, Newbie. I was not. But hopefully, the du...
Dr. Cox: WE dont need any of your head shrinking.
J.D.'s narration: "We"! He said "we"! After all these years hes finally made us a team!
J.D.: Yeah, Hedrick! If it was up to us, WE would never even called you. WE can handle death just fine. WE might even be going into private practice together.
Dr. Cox: What!?
J.D.'s narration: Easy! That was not the time to discuss the Dorian-Cox clinic. Much less the relocation to Jacksonville.
- Permalink: WE dont need any of your head shrinking. We! He said we! After...
J.D.'s narration: I was in the Porsche, I had never made it into the Porsche. It smelled like German heaven. I wasn't going to blow this opportunity. I had to be careful about every little...hey a rootbeer.
Dr. Cox: Don't open that soda, it has been rolling around on the floor for months, it will explode.
J.D.: Apparently you're not familiar with the John Dorian three tap method. Three taps and the foam goes bye, bye.
(He taps the can three times and opens it)
J.D.: Works everytime.
J.D.: The quickest way to my house is to take Elm.
- Permalink: I was in the Porsche, I had never made it into the Porsche. It s...
Carla: OK, I know how you can regain control of Keith.
Elliot: Carla, don't bother, booty call was for a while, but I am so sick of being this cold, emotionless bastard.
Dr. Cox: I never get sick and tired of that. It is awesome being that.
J.D.: We love it. (Puts arm on Dr. Cox's shoulder)
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: It's too much, I know.
- Permalink: OK, I know how you can regain control of Keith. Carla, don't b...