Turk: I may be sterile.
Carla: Oh honey, stay calm. Nobody knows but us.
J.D.: (Over watchie-talkie) You firing blanks, buddy?
Turk: (To someone off camera) Alright, look. I know I said I wanted to go by myself to get tested today. But I've been doing some thinking andI'm scared. So it would mean a lot if you went with me.
J.D.: Of course, buddy.
J.D.'s narration: People were starting to talk about Elliot and Keith but I decided to stay above the fray. Then I changed my mind.
(J.D. joins a group of nurses in a circle)
J.D.: Can you believe those two?
Laverne: No I can't. All that carrying on in public.
Nurse: It's way too much.
J.D.: It's just too much. Sorry, I switched places so I could go again.
Lisa: It's just so unfair!
Gloria: So unfair.
J.D.: It really is unfair you guys.
Turk: You know I'm not comfortable getting busy with myself?
J.D.: Well, you are in luck. This happens to be my specialty. Here is a tip: If you can't get over the fact that you are doing it to yourself, sit on your arm until it falls asleep then pull it out and use that. I call it "The Stranger".
Turk: If I ever have kids, you are NEVER allowed to baby-sit them.
(To Dr. Cox) Want me to bury you?
Dr. Cox: WE dont need any of your head shrinking.
J.D.'s narration: "We"! He said "we"! After all these years hes finally made us a team!
J.D.: Yeah, Hedrick! If it was up to us, WE would never even called you. WE can handle death just fine. WE might even be going into private practice together.
Dr. Cox: What!?
J.D.'s narration: Easy! That was not the time to discuss the Dorian-Cox clinic. Much less the relocation to Jacksonville.
(Dr. Cox and J.D. are holding onto the ceiling)
Dr. Cox: Pretty strong there, Newbie.
J.D.'s narration: (Yawns) I was not. But hopefully, the duct tape I used to connect my prosthetic arms was.
(They both fall and J.D.'s arms are still on the ceiling)
J.D.: Ow. (Takes arms)
Dr. Hedrick: Group, can you tell me what stage of grief Dr. Cox is going through?
Dr. Cox: You don't wanna see me angry.
J.D.: Nor do you wanna see me angry. (Imagines taking Hedrick's pencil and taking off the eraser with his mouth.) It's awful.
Dr. Cox: (Entering room full with people) Ok, Lester! We are having this right here, right now! (Looks around) Oh, for the love of God, what is this? Some getting-in-touch-with-my-feelings-because-momma-didn't-love-me group?
J.D.: Yes, is that what is?
Dr. Hedrick: Actually...this is a support group for the terminally ill.
J.D.: Oh...well...yeah...hmm...ok! Death is like a journey. A...a journey in a boat. Then this giant light shines down on your...your boat and carries you up to the Heavens.
Dr. Hedrick: That was the ending to "Cocoon"!
J.D.: Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: Yeah newbie, what do ya got?
J.D.: That guy looks fantastic. What do you think he's dying of, a case of the handsomes?