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I had this thing where I kept running into Michael Douglas, then I realized it was just some old lady who lives in my building.

Guardwell. Guard your well. Well.

If I wanted to see a black man make a fool of himself I'd have sex with K-Fed again.

Oh, your dentist gets drunk with you, too?

I always knew it would end one day. I just always thought it would be me in the trunk of a rental car.

Could a bad mom have raised a daughter who was engaged to a Congressman when she was 16?

Can I just tell you that I'm genuinely having fun right now?

To her I'm just a gorgeous, naturally blonde ATM.

Hi, I was told I'd get paid if I came here and danced while the Atlanta Hawks ate dinner.

Jack: She's done a complete 180.
Jenna: Even better, Jack. She made a full 360!

I'm sure she's down there, chain-smoking, sitting on the curb, waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born.

I didn't see her. Security called. She was trying to use an Oxycontin bottle as I.D.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 160 in total

30 Rock Quotes

Happy Holidays...is what terrorists say. Merry Christmas- Avery and Jack.

Avery

Jack: You are both a disgrace to the Donaghy name!
Jack's Dad: It's pronounced "Don-a-fee," you lace-curtain half-an-Englishman!
Jack: When I think of all the things that I've been holding inside me that I wanted to say to you... [raises fists] Well now I'm gonna let "Saint Patrick" and "Saint Michael" DO MY TALKING FOR ME!
Jack's Dad: [raises fists] You'll have to get through "Tip O'Neill" and "Bobby Sands" first!
Eddie Donaghy: You call those fist names?! [raises fists] Say hello to "Bono" and "Sandra Day O'Connor!"
Jack: Those are the stupidest fist names I've ever heard.