Pam: Wanna count her fingers and toes again?
Jim: No. Let her rest. I'm sure there are still 12 of each.

She's also fully effaced, which... I don't know what that is.

Pam: Don't be mad.
Jim: Mad? How could I be mad? We're having a little girl.

We're calling an audible. That's her call because she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle... who happened to get her pregnant.

Jim: [The baby] wasn't conceived here. Burning Man. Port-o-potty!
Michael: Yuck! TMI! How was it? Tell me later.

Jim: I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy.
Pam: I cannot wait for that joke to be over.

Jim: In which movie did they realize the boss was within earshot and they just went to talk to her?
Michael: Lethal Weapon?
Jim: Then I think we should do it the Lethal Weapon way.

Jim: If not, there's always the army. The... infantry.
Pam: Okay.

You've been shown a nonsensical video. You're probably wondering what's going on. Well, you're not alone.

Jim: Wait. We haven't gone under. We've been sold. That could mean many different things.
Michael: It's hard for me to imagine a scenario in which Meredith Palmer keeps her job and David Wallace does not. No offense Meredith.
Meredith: No, I get it.

Michael: How's everybody doing?
Jim: Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half.
Michael: That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus ruined the party. Petulant Jesus.
Angela: Are you serious? That is so offensive.

Jim: You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
Jim: Yup.
Michael: Do you understand you forced my hand.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 442 in total

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The Office Quotes

Michael: Did I ever tell you about the day that Steve Martin died?
Pam: Steve Martin's not dead, Michael.
Michael: I know. But I always thought that the day that he died would be the worst day of my life. I was wrong. It's this.

Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me... No, don't sue me. That is the opposite of the point that I'm trying to make.

Michael
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