Jules: Way to go new guy.
Grayson: New guy? I am a key member of this group. I provide the sizzle.

When you get up from that ottoman I'd go get a pregnancy test.

So you think Bobby and I could produce a doctor? [Jules and Grayson both laugh]

Jules: You know what I learned from my friendship with Ellie?
Grayson: There's no such thing as too mean?
Travis: Never let your friends know for sure if you like them?
Jules: Always hold a grudge?

Ellie: I can't be married to someone in public office. Jules, I have to interact with people. You know I hate the people.
Jules: That's what you get for telling Holly our thing was cancelled.
Ellie: You know what I hope? The Karma Gods get you.

Jules: I'm sorry we can't hang tonight because we all have a very big important thing we have to go to.
Ellie: That thing got cancelled. I do have a different thing that only I have to go to.

Jules: Taters are for laters.
Travis: She actually did say that.

Grayson: There is no such thing as a happy stroke.
Jules: Then what did Kurt Douglas have?
Grayson: A stroke.

I can't believe we're in Napa. I think we're meeting God.

Grayson: Hey, where'd you go just now?
Jules: I was lying on the floor of the tub sobbing. You don't pee in that, right?

Travis: Admittedly, Game of Thrones gives me a giant nerdgasm, but I gotta warn you guys it's a little racy.
Jules: Oh Trav, we're adults, we can handle it - oh, wow, boobs already!

Jules: Do her nipples look like mine?
Grayson: No.
Bobby: Yeah.
Bobby: Well, I got a hold of them before Trav did.

Cougar Town Quotes

Jules: You see that young gentleman there, I'd love to lick his body
Woman: That's my son
Jules: Ooh, he looks smart

Jules: When a 40-something guy gets divorced, it's always: "Way to go, Tiger!"
Grayson: We don't call each other Tiger. It's always Champ, or Samurai.