Ellie: Way to self-compliment.
Jules: I thought I snuck it in there.

Laurie: Jules I didn't know you sponsored an African child.
Jules: Oh yeah, little Omari. He's 10. I gotta say those letters are getting a little repetitive. It's hot; I'm hungry; there's snakes.

Nanny: He's allergic to everything on Ellie's list.
Jules: He's allergic to Telemundo?
Nanny: I think that's just for me.

Men start being needy so young. Grayson's still like that. But instead of letting him nuzzle up with my boobs I let him...nope, it's the same thing. He dives right in like he owns the place.

Oh that's right. You have a kid!

Jules: Ellie is not a morning person. Or a night person. There's really only about seven minutes a day you are fun to be around.
Ellie: The best part is you never know when they're coming.

Jules: I'm not gonna stand here and be judged by someone who doesn't even have a nineteen year old, and most of all, who thinks there's a ghost in her pickup truck.
Ellie: Then...who keeps moving my sunglasses Jules? Who?

Ellie: I'm gonna say it. The clingy mom act? It's not cute anymore. In fact, it's ugly on you. Just like scarves.
Jules: I look bad in scarves?
Ellie: They give you bird face.

Jules: I put cough syrup in his lemonade and he fell asleep in a hole.
Ellie: You know, out of context, that sounds like a horrible abduction story.

Ellie: Imaginary hat!
Jules: Imaginary hook hands! I don't know what we're doing.

Jules: Hey, Trav, did you happen to find any of Tom's business in those holes?
Travis: Lemme check. Nope.
Jules: Sorry Tom, none of your business over here.

Wipe off that silly moustache. You look like a really gay Freddie Mercury.