Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town
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Ellie: You use four towels every shower
Jules: Face, body, hair, feet!

Laurie: Wait, why do we have to have coffee over here?
Jules: 'Cause wherever I am is where we have coffee.
Ellie: But this is horrible.

I'm gonna need a bigger boat.

Jules: I fought a bum for wine and lost.
Ellie: Didn't you mom teach you bums always win wine fights?

Jules: It's time to suck up!
Ellie: That's for boys.
Jules: It's time to uterus up!

Dear Lord. You know I don't bother you unless it's important. Except for that time I asked you to speed up my bangs.

I own the shush clap.

Laurie: I went to a crap school in a crap neighborhood and reading really got me out.
Jules: It did?
Laurie: No, car modeling did. But it's really fun to say reading did.

Ellie: Way to self-compliment.
Jules: I thought I snuck it in there.

Laurie: Jules I didn't know you sponsored an African child.
Jules: Oh yeah, little Omari. He's 10. I gotta say those letters are getting a little repetitive. It's hot; I'm hungry; there's snakes.

Nanny: He's allergic to everything on Ellie's list.
Jules: He's allergic to Telemundo?
Nanny: I think that's just for me.

Men start being needy so young. Grayson's still like that. But instead of letting him nuzzle up with my boobs I let him...nope, it's the same thing. He dives right in like he owns the place.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 300 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!