Marty: Why do you pee sitting down?
Larry: Many reasons.
Marty: Do you crap standing up?

Larry: I've got "severe tire damage."
Ben: That sucks.
Larry: You know those signs? It's true!

Larry: I think I got a guy for you.
Haboos: A blind date?
Larry: Literally.

Ben: You are such a baby. You're a grown-man baby!
Larry: Are you saying I'm a man-child?

Michael: What matters to women is what's on the inside.
Larry: First of all, you've got nothing inside you, okay? Let me just make that clear. You're the most superficial man I've ever met, blind or sighted.

Larry: (on Susie's sweatshirts) Not quite my cup of tea, but, you know, it's nice.
Susie: Fuck you, and fuck your tea!
Larry: What?
Susie: Whoever said you had taste, Mr. Hushpuppy-rumpled-suit look?

Ben: You don't even shake my hand the first time I see you.
Larry: You had snot on your hand. You'd just sneezed.
Ben: That was a dry sneeze, Larry.
Larry: I can't asume dry. I gotta assume wet.

I'd like to tell my wife I look like Brad Pitt, but unfortunately, she can see.

Larry: (on his dancing) It looks more effortless, maybe.
Ben: It does look like less effort.

Anna Nicole Smith. She's got some pair of knockers on her, huh?

Larry: He said "no gifts."
Susie: Nobody means that. You took that seriously?

Larry: (in flashback) What do you want to be a David for?
Cheryl: I want to be your wife.
Larry: Davids want to get out of being Davids.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: I think I am just going to get a Cobb Salad. I'd like to make a few substitutions, if that's OK. I'll get... no bacon. No eggs. Bleu cheese on the side.
Cliff Cobb: Are you sure you want a Cobb Salad? Do you do that every time you order that salad?
Larry: Do you have a problem with it?
Cliff Cobb: It's my grandfather's salad. I'm a Cobb of Cobb salad fame.
Larry: I think that this is a real bullshit story

Wanda Sykes: Larry, you are an ass man!
Larry: I am not an ass man! I don't have an ass fetish! I am not obssessed with asses