Monena: I can give four blow jobs an hour.
Larry: Four blow jobs an hour?
Monena: Oh yes, I'm good.

Monena: You bought me one little raggedy-ass hot dog!
Larry: Yeah, which you proceded to blow!

Monena: Hey daddy, you wanna date with momma?
Larry: (sees empty HOV lane) Get in the car.

(to country club interviewers) If you're ever looking for a good blow job at a reasonable rate, she's your gal.

Marty: I gotta pick up someone at the airport, and I know it's on the way. Can you give me a lift, please?
Larry: Why don't you ask your father to help jump start the car? (to empty passenger seat) Hey Leo, why don't you give him a push?!

Larry: I hope I can do this. She's fierce.
Jeff: Okay, at first thought it was my imagination, but you're talking really gay.

Hygienist: You remind me of my college history teacher.
Larry: Was he an avuncular, bald Jew?

I thought he had the "good" Hodgkins.

Jeff: Steve the choreographer--you've been spending a lot of time with him?
Larry: I probably picked up some of his mannerisms.
Jeff: Some? All! You're him! You're Steve the gay choreographer!

The dog bit my penis!

Larry: Do me a favor? Next time you use the bathroom, make sure to keep the seat down.
Nat: What are you, pussy-whipped?

Weatherman: The jet stream is controlled by the rotation of the earth. You know who controls that? God!
Larry: There's a jet stream of bullshit coming out of your mouth, my friend.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: I think I am just going to get a Cobb Salad. I'd like to make a few substitutions, if that's OK. I'll get... no bacon. No eggs. Bleu cheese on the side.
Cliff Cobb: Are you sure you want a Cobb Salad? Do you do that every time you order that salad?
Larry: Do you have a problem with it?
Cliff Cobb: It's my grandfather's salad. I'm a Cobb of Cobb salad fame.
Larry: I think that this is a real bullshit story

Larry: Who do you think has more freedom: the married man in America or the single man in Communist China?