(on picking up women) This is the thing that I'm the worst at in the world. This and drawing.

Wang isn't a bad first name. Wang. Then you got the whole "-ang" family. Fang, Bang, Tang.

Larry: (in flashback) What do you want to be a David for?
Cheryl: I want to be your wife.
Larry: Davids want to get out of being Davids.

Dr. Morrison: There is a slight bit of pain involved. Nothing more than a little prick.
Larry: Yeah, there definitely is a prick involved.

Larry: You know how bookstores make you feel stupid?
Jeff: Yeah.
Larry: Well health food stores make me feel really unhealthy.

Becky: You ate the baby Jesus and his mother Mary.
Larry: I thought they were animal cookies.
Becky: Jesus Christ is not an animal!
Larry: I thought he was a monkey.

Mary: Kill him, Joseph, kill him!
Larry: Shut up, Mary!

Waiter: Do you want your first tip back?
Larry: No.
Waiter: Okay.
Larry: I'd like my second tip back.

Larry: (on the manger scene) So you can put all this junk on a trailer?
Joseph: It's not junk, but we do put it in the trailer.

Krazee Eyez: I'll snap off your neck with a crackle and a pop.
Larry: Oh, I like the Rice Krispies thing, yeah.

Cheryl: You're that scared of Krazee-Eyez that you'd flee the country?
Larry: Yes, I am! I want to live. I want to have both legs. I want to have my penis and my testicles intact.

You think I'd send anyone to this piece of shit store?

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: I think I am just going to get a Cobb Salad. I'd like to make a few substitutions, if that's OK. I'll get... no bacon. No eggs. Bleu cheese on the side.
Cliff Cobb: Are you sure you want a Cobb Salad? Do you do that every time you order that salad?
Larry: Do you have a problem with it?
Cliff Cobb: It's my grandfather's salad. I'm a Cobb of Cobb salad fame.
Larry: I think that this is a real bullshit story

Wanda Sykes: Larry, you are an ass man!
Larry: I am not an ass man! I don't have an ass fetish! I am not obssessed with asses