Shara: I like you.
Larry: What's not to like.
Shara: Ehh, you're a Jew.

You're saying LOL. You're verbal texting.

Juliet: How are the potatoes?
Larry: Actually, the potatoes are a little cold.

Man: So you think all Black people look alike?
Larry: I think all computers look alike.

Richard: What's half a double D?
Larry: No, B minus. Minus is closer to the D. What's closer to the D? The minus or the plus?

You're comparing breasts with balls? People hate balls.

I have no problem with crying in a grocery store. I would suggest, however, the next time you feel overwhelmed by something, to go to a different section.

Woman: Do you want to apologize to my dog? Because you really yelled at my dog.
Larry: Yeah, it's very hard to apologize to a dog because they're a stupid animal.

I don't know where you were living before, but I think this would probably be a step up. You hit the jackpot with this place, huh?

She was upset? Her dog pooped all over my yard, three times.

I could be a burlesque dermatologist.

Richard: How did you see a small mole from where you were sitting?
Larry: Well I have breast vision.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Quotes

Larry: I think I am just going to get a Cobb Salad. I'd like to make a few substitutions, if that's OK. I'll get... no bacon. No eggs. Bleu cheese on the side.
Cliff Cobb: Are you sure you want a Cobb Salad? Do you do that every time you order that salad?
Larry: Do you have a problem with it?
Cliff Cobb: It's my grandfather's salad. I'm a Cobb of Cobb salad fame.
Larry: I think that this is a real bullshit story

Wanda Sykes: Larry, you are an ass man!
Larry: I am not an ass man! I don't have an ass fetish! I am not obssessed with asses