The Simpsons

Lisa Simpson Quotes (Page 8)

Homer: What's wrong, old friend? Can't sleep? (his stomach is rumbling) Aww. Would some warm beer settle you down? (his stomach continues rumbling) Uh-oh. (gets up and runs off) Those barley burgers were tainted! Why did I eat twelve of them?! Why?! (runs to a bathroom door, only to find Marge using it)
Marge: Taken!
[Homer shuts the bathroom door, and runs upstairs to another bathroom door, only to find Bart using it.]
Bart: Occupied!
[Homer runs to another bathroom door, only to find Lisa using it.]
Lisa: Hurling!
[Homer runs, looks both ways, runs into Lisa's bedroom, and vomits into her saxophone; his mouth gets stuck trying to get it out.]
Homer: Uh-oh!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: I've never been called "fierce" before. "Strident." "Hectoring" has been tossed around.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Dad, Bart's throwing away his future!
Homer: Oh, no! Now who will sell oranges on the off-ramp!? (laughs)
 • Rating: Unrated

Homer: Oh, I get it, you're all going to try to convince me that my life is great just like it is, right?
Lisa: Are you kidding? We couldn't even convince you that Bruce Wayne is Batman.
Homer: Oh, come on, that billionaire playboy. He's too busy socializing at cocktail parties and managing the affairs of the Wayne foundation
Marge: (whispering) Don't open this one again.
Lisa: Why does he think Alfred is friends with Batman?
Marge: Just stop.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: I need some candy for our first playdate, but I don't want to come on too strong.
Bart: M&M's?
Lisa: Well, if I pick plain she'll think I'm cheap, and if I pick peanut, she may have an allergy. You just killed her, Bart!
Bart: How about Charleston Chew?
Lisa: What is this, Brooklyn in the fifties? Don't just say stuff.
Bart: You asked for my help, then you don't want it.
Apu: Excuse me, but why not consider an Almond Joy? It looks like you only brought something for yourself, but then you just happen to have two pieces.
Lisa: Finally, a real suggestion!
Bart: If she doesn't like coconut, you're screwed!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lisa: You can't keep Juliet and me apart! I'll... I'll disobey!
Marge: I'm Bart Simpson's mother, do you think you've got any tricks I haven't seen. ((Leaves the room)
((Lisa climbs out the window and slides down the tree only to land in a laundry basket being held by Marge)
Marge: Bart Simpson: Age 3. (Both go back inside)
(Bart comes out of a hidden door in the tree dressed in black)
Bart Simpson: Age 10. Mhwahahahaha!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Willie, I didn't know you were an apiarist.
Groundskeeper Willie: From context, I can tell that means beekeeper.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

(Lisa's bees are swarming around the breakfast table)
Bart: Mom, maybe you shouldn't have put so much syrup on the pancakes.
Homer: The secret is not to swallow the stingers. (takes big bite of pancakes with bees on them, and spits stingers out into a glass)
Lisa: Dad, don't eat the bees!
Homer: They're just drones, Lisa, they only live for, like, five minutes anyway! And they only have haploid cells, not diploid like me and Bart!
Bart: Yeah! (high-fives Homer)
 • Rating: Unrated

(Lisa releases the bees into their sanctuary)
Lisa: Oh, I miss them.
Marge: Now you know how I'll feel when you go to college.
Lisa: You'll always have Bart! Always.
Marge: But he'll be gone a lot repairing refrigerators.
Lisa: Always.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Dad, we have to do something all the bees are dying!
Homer: (sarcastically) Oh, no! No bees! Ooh, now who will sting me and walk all over my sandwiches?
Lisa: But, Dad! Bees pollinate flowers.
Homer: Pfft. Flowers, the painted whores of the plant world.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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