The Simpsons

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The simpsons

(In "Married to the Blob," a meteorite crashes in the Simpson family back yard and splits open, revealing a glowing green goo.)
Homer: Whoo! A space marshmallow!
(Homer plucks the goo with a stick and tries to eat the goo, which keeps trying to avoid Homer's mouth.)
Homer: Uh? Where do you think you're going?
Lisa: Dad, no! It could teach us the secret of interstellar travel.
Homer: If he's so smart, how come he can't stay out of my mouth?
(The goo struggles in Homer's mouth before finally being swallowed.)
Marge: How could you eat that goo? You don't know what galaxy it's from.
Homer: Marge, I ate it. It's over.
(The goo tries to seep out of Homer's nose.)
Homer: Whoa! Oh, no, you don't!
(A determined Homer repeatedly snorts the goo back into his nose.)
Homer: If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!

(A depressed Homer watches as his scaled down model of "The Zoominator" roller coaster crumbles and burns.)
Lisa: Dad, here's a thought. If you just gave Mom credit, maybe she could help you.
Homer: Sweetie, you don't understand. If I can do this myself, then all those lies I told will be true. Don't you want Daddy's lies to be true?
Lisa: I'd like a daddy who lived in the real world!
Homer: To Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day.

(Marge goes on a carpentry binge, and builds all sorts of things.)
Lisa: Wow, Mom, you made all this?
Bart: It's like you're the Jesus of carpentry!
Marge: Aww, what sweet blasphemy.

(The Simpson family arrives at the Springfield Mall.)
Lisa: This place is lookin' a little run down.
Bart: Yeah, hasn't been the same since they murdered the Mayor's dad here.

All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drummer, but I never thought the two stories would intersect!

Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you
Lisa: Yes?
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Lisa Simpson
Lisa: Yes?
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Would do us the honor
Lisa: Yes!
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Of sitting in(Lisa gasps) that chair in the audience. We wanna jam with your brother.

Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!

(The dog Lisa didn't pick at the Animal Shelter comes back to haunt her in her sleep.)
Dog Spirit: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me.
Lisa: Me? How?
Dog Spirit: By choosing the cuter puppy. You picked looks over personality, youth over experience, no history of rabies over unknown rabies status. And now I'm going to die!
Lisa: I never wanted that to happen!
Dog Spirit: You suuuck, You suuuck!
(The Dog Spirit scratches on Lisa's door to get out and Lisa opens it.)
Dog Spirit: Ah, thanks, sweetie. You suuuck!

(Lisa spots Bart and his Blues muscian friends hanging out in the attic.)
Lisa: Bart! What are you doing here?
Bart: Uh, (Stammers) not smoking reefer.
Blues Musician: Uh, that's right. We--we all not smokin' reefer.

Okay, this little guy's comin' home with me. (Pets the dog) Ooh! Who's going to get neutered tomorrow? You are! Oh, yes you are!

</i> Lisa

Marge: My purse is made of hemp. If we burn it, the silly smoke will mellow out those guards.
Lisa: We could ignite it with these crystal earrings Grandma gave me.
Marge: I thought she gave you her rebellious spirit.
Lisa: I found them on her nightstand.
(Marge gives her a look)
Lisa: What?! Bart got a Swiss army knife!

(Homer walks into a toy aisle filled with stuffed recording hippos)
Stuffed Hippo #1: (With Bart's voice) Homer has a lard butt!
Homer: What did you say?
Stuffed Hippo #2: (With Bart's voice) Homer has booger breath!
Homer: It's a medical condition!
Stuffed Hippo #3: (With Bart's voice) Homer is a big jerk!
Homer: Who told you these things about me?!
Stuffed Hippo #4: (With Bart's voice) Dung Muncher!
Stuffed Hippo #5: (With Bart's voice) Stink Brain!
Stuffed Hippo #6: (With Bart's voice) Cheese Wang!
Stuffed Hippo #7: (With Bart's voice) Captain Crud!
Homer: (Angrily) I don't want to get mad, but I will!
(Bart's insulting recordings on the stuffed hippos begin to overlap)
Homer: Oh, that's it!
(Marge, Lisa, and Maggie are at the register counter)
Lisa: Uh, Mom, we've got a Code Four!
(Homer is seen ripping, tearing, and biting apart the still insulting hippos as Bart is laughing uproariously. Homer then grabs a stuffed unicorn and uses its horn to jab the hippos to stop the recordings)
Homer: It didn't have to go down like this!

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 441 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

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