Lisa Simpson Quotes
Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!
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All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drummer, but I never thought the two stories would intersect!
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Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Lisa Simpson
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Would do us the honor
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Of sitting in(Lisa gasps) that chair in the audience. We wanna jam with your brother.
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(The dog Lisa didn't pick at the Animal Shelter comes back to haunt her in her sleep.)
Dog Spirit: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me.
Lisa: Me? How?
Dog Spirit: By choosing the cuter puppy. You picked looks over personality, youth over experience, no history of rabies over unknown rabies status. And now I'm going to die!
Lisa: I never wanted that to happen!
Dog Spirit: You suuuck, You suuuck!
(The Dog Spirit scratches on Lisa's door to get out and Lisa opens it.)
Dog Spirit: Ah, thanks, sweetie. You suuuck!
- Permalink: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me. Me? How? By choosing the cut...
Okay, this little guy's comin' home with me. (Pets the dog) Ooh! Who's going to get neutered tomorrow? You are! Oh, yes you are!</i> Lisa
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(Lisa spots Bart and his Blues muscian friends hanging out in the attic.)
Lisa: Bart! What are you doing here?
Bart: Uh, (Stammers) not smoking reefer.
Blues Musician: Uh, that's right. We--we all not smokin' reefer.
- Permalink: Bart! What are you doing here? Uh, not smoking reefer. Uh, ...
Marge: My purse is made of hemp. If we burn it, the silly smoke will mellow out those guards.
Lisa: We could ignite it with these crystal earrings Grandma gave me.
Marge: I thought she gave you her rebellious spirit.
Lisa: I found them on her nightstand.
(Marge gives her a look)
Lisa: What?! Bart got a Swiss army knife!
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(Homer walks into a toy aisle filled with stuffed recording hippos)
Stuffed Hippo #1: (With Bart's voice) Homer has a lard butt!
Homer: What did you say?
Stuffed Hippo #2: (With Bart's voice) Homer has booger breath!
Homer: It's a medical condition!
Stuffed Hippo #3: (With Bart's voice) Homer is a big jerk!
Homer: Who told you these things about me?!
Stuffed Hippo #4: (With Bart's voice) Dung Muncher!
Stuffed Hippo #5: (With Bart's voice) Stink Brain!
Stuffed Hippo #6: (With Bart's voice) Cheese Wang!
Stuffed Hippo #7: (With Bart's voice) Captain Crud!
Homer: (Angrily) I don't want to get mad, but I will!
(Bart's insulting recordings on the stuffed hippos begin to overlap)
Homer: Oh, that's it!
(Marge, Lisa, and Maggie are at the register counter)
Lisa: Uh, Mom, we've got a Code Four!
(Homer is seen ripping, tearing, and biting apart the still insulting hippos as Bart is laughing uproariously. Homer then grabs a stuffed unicorn and uses its horn to jab the hippos to stop the recordings)
Homer: It didn't have to go down like this!
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Lisa: No toupees.
Homer: Whaaat, I'm going for the Shia LaBeouf thing. Not quite a nerd, not quite a hunk. Shia LaBeouf!
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Homer: Just sit still in my lap.
Bart: What lap?
Lisa: All I see is a gut with knees.
Homer: Why, you little!
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(Homer and Lisa are excited about the latest Angelica Button book.)
Lisa: The last book in the series goes on sale at midnight and we're gonna go stand in line.
Bart: Wait in line for a book?! You tell 'em Bart says hey.
Homer: Come on, boy. All the nerds are doing it.
Bart: I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports.
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Homer: I can't believe you were smoking. Do you know the "sturgeon" general said you're not supposed to?
Lisa: A "sturgeon" is a fish.
Homer: And a very wise fish he is!
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Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
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Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
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