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The-simpsons

Homer: I can't believe you were smoking. Do you know the "sturgeon" general said you're not supposed to?
Lisa: A "sturgeon" is a fish.
Homer: And a very wise fish he is!

(Martin and Lisa are excavating for arrowheads.)
Martin: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow.
Bart: Well, I agree you blow.
Martin: Then it's a plan!
Bart: A lot of people blow, but no one blows like you.
Martin: High praise indeed!
Bart: When you look up "blow" in the dictionary--
Lisa: Bart, he's not gonna get it.
Bart: Fine.

Lisa: Bart, Martin could be seriously hurt or worse! We have to do something!
Bart: You're right. Let's watch TV.

I never dreamed an American car designed in Germany, assembled in Mexico from parts made in Canada, could be so amazing.

Marge: A carnival? What's so romantic about this?
Lisa: Bye!
Bart: See you later!
(Bart and Lisa run off into the carnival.)
Homer: For the next two hours, we'll be kid-free. It'll be just like the time we lost them at the mall.
(Homer and Marge chuckle.)
Homer: That was the best Christmas ever.

Marge: There is a part of our past that we haven't told you kids about. A turbulent part.
Bart: Come on. More turbulent than now?
Lisa: We're in every kind of therapy!
Homer: Things happened between your mother and me that we're not proud of. It was the middle of a wild decade known as the 1990's.
Bart: The '90s? Never heard of it.

Lisa: Mom! I didn't know you went to college!
Bart: Yeah, you always said that after high school, Dad blessed you with the unplanned miracle of me!

Sideshow Bob: Let's not tarry. As Shakespeare said, "If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere best it were done quickly." Power on!(turns on the laptop and laughs maniacally) This time I've made no mistakes.
Lisa: Actually, you made one. What Shakespeare really said was, "'Twere well it were done quickly."
Sideshow Bob: Yes, I'm sure you've studied the immortal bard extensively under your "Miss Hoover." (leaves and shuts the door)
Lisa: Macbeth, act one, scene seven. Look it up.
Sideshow Bob: (re-enters) I shall! (takes the laptop) Come on, Wikipedia. Load, you unwieldy behemoth! laptop explodes Oh, dear. Sideshow Bob, "Hoist on his own petard."
Lisa: It's "hoist with his own petard."
Sideshow Bob: Oh, get a life.

(The family watches a commercial for a new restaurant.)
Wes Doobner: Howdy, folks! Are tired of family arguments over where to go for dinner?
Homer: Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back.
Wes Doobner: Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts? The rib joint with somethin' for everyone!
Homer: Good luck with my finicky appetite!
Wes Doobner: We've got ribs--
Homer: Sold!
Wes Doobner: Plain noodles.
(Marge sighs.)
Wes Doobner: With butter.
Marge: Yowza!
Wes Doobner: Texas tofu!
Lisa: Yummy, yumma!
Wes Doobner: And the easiest place mat puzzle in the state.
Bart: Let me at it!

(Lisa explains how she figured out Sideshow Bob's scheme on the way to save Bart at the funeral home.)
Lisa: Bob planned this from the beginning.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: He wanted to be captured at the restaurant.
Homer: Yes.
Lisa: He would never get a Shakespeare quote wrong.
Homer: No.
Lisa: His mother was a Shakespearian actress.
Homer: Oh, yeeh!
Lisa: His father was a doctor.
Homer: A doctor, huh?
Lisa: So when Bob collaspsed in the courtroom...
Homer I remember.
Lisa: ...his father could take that opportunity to inject Bob with a powerful drug that simulated death.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It was a diabolical scheme and every member of his family played a part!
Homer: Are you done? 'Cause I've been circling the funeral home for 10 minutes.
Lisa: (Begrudgingly) Yes.

Lisa: I really identified with the girls in Ghost World. They made me feel like I wasn't so alone.
Dan Clowes: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Do you know anyone at Batman? 'Cause I really want to draw Batman, I'm awesome at utility belts. (points to a picture of a utility belt.)
Dan Clowes: Check these out. This is where the Batman keeps his money in case he has to take the bus.
Lisa: Mm-hmm.

Lisa: I can't believe that an alien who looked so evil turned out to be bad.
Marge: Hmm, I guess you should judge a book by its cover.
Secret Agent: Definitely! Especially if you count the inside flap as part of the cover, it usually gives you a great idea of what the book's about.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 438 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

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