The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons

Lisa: No toupees.
Homer: Whaaat, I'm going for the Shia LaBeouf thing. Not quite a nerd, not quite a hunk. Shia LaBeouf!

Homer: Just sit still in my lap.
Bart: What lap?
Lisa: All I see is a gut with knees.
Homer: Why, you little!

(Homer and Lisa are excited about the latest Angelica Button book.)
Lisa: The last book in the series goes on sale at midnight and we're gonna go stand in line.
Bart: Wait in line for a book?! You tell 'em Bart says hey.
Homer: Come on, boy. All the nerds are doing it.
Bart: I'm not a nerd. I'm a jock who's too cool for sports.

Homer: I can't believe you were smoking. Do you know the "sturgeon" general said you're not supposed to?
Lisa: A "sturgeon" is a fish.
Homer: And a very wise fish he is!

(Martin and Lisa are excavating for arrowheads.)
Martin: Care to make it a trio, Bart? You can brush and I can blow.
Bart: Well, I agree you blow.
Martin: Then it's a plan!
Bart: A lot of people blow, but no one blows like you.
Martin: High praise indeed!
Bart: When you look up "blow" in the dictionary--
Lisa: Bart, he's not gonna get it.
Bart: Fine.

Lisa: Bart, Martin could be seriously hurt or worse! We have to do something!
Bart: You're right. Let's watch TV.

I never dreamed an American car designed in Germany, assembled in Mexico from parts made in Canada, could be so amazing.

Marge: A carnival? What's so romantic about this?
Lisa: Bye!
Bart: See you later!
(Bart and Lisa run off into the carnival.)
Homer: For the next two hours, we'll be kid-free. It'll be just like the time we lost them at the mall.
(Homer and Marge chuckle.)
Homer: That was the best Christmas ever.

Marge: There is a part of our past that we haven't told you kids about. A turbulent part.
Bart: Come on. More turbulent than now?
Lisa: We're in every kind of therapy!
Homer: Things happened between your mother and me that we're not proud of. It was the middle of a wild decade known as the 1990's.
Bart: The '90s? Never heard of it.

Lisa: Mom! I didn't know you went to college!
Bart: Yeah, you always said that after high school, Dad blessed you with the unplanned miracle of me!

Sideshow Bob: Let's not tarry. As Shakespeare said, "If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere best it were done quickly." Power on!(turns on the laptop and laughs maniacally) This time I've made no mistakes.
Lisa: Actually, you made one. What Shakespeare really said was, "'Twere well it were done quickly."
Sideshow Bob: Yes, I'm sure you've studied the immortal bard extensively under your "Miss Hoover." (leaves and shuts the door)
Lisa: Macbeth, act one, scene seven. Look it up.
Sideshow Bob: (re-enters) I shall! (takes the laptop) Come on, Wikipedia. Load, you unwieldy behemoth! laptop explodes Oh, dear. Sideshow Bob, "Hoist on his own petard."
Lisa: It's "hoist with his own petard."
Sideshow Bob: Oh, get a life.

(The family watches a commercial for a new restaurant.)
Wes Doobner: Howdy, folks! Are tired of family arguments over where to go for dinner?
Homer: Sometimes I think about gettin' on a bus and never comin' back.
Wes Doobner: Why not try Wes Doobner's World Famous Family Style Rib Huts? The rib joint with somethin' for everyone!
Homer: Good luck with my finicky appetite!
Wes Doobner: We've got ribs--
Homer: Sold!
Wes Doobner: Plain noodles.
(Marge sighs.)
Wes Doobner: With butter.
Marge: Yowza!
Wes Doobner: Texas tofu!
Lisa: Yummy, yumma!
Wes Doobner: And the easiest place mat puzzle in the state.
Bart: Let me at it!

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 441 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

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