Lisa Simpson Quotes
(A depressed Homer watches as his scaled down model of "The Zoominator" roller coaster crumbles and burns.)
Lisa: Dad, here's a thought. If you just gave Mom credit, maybe she could help you.
Homer: Sweetie, you don't understand. If I can do this myself, then all those lies I told will be true. Don't you want Daddy's lies to be true?
Lisa: I'd like a daddy who lived in the real world!
Homer: To Daddy, the real world gets fainter and fainter every day.
- Permalink: Dad, here's a thought. If you just gave Mom credit, maybe she co...
(Marge goes on a carpentry binge, and builds all sorts of things.)
Lisa: Wow, Mom, you made all this?
Bart: It's like you're the Jesus of carpentry!
Marge: Aww, what sweet blasphemy.
- Permalink: Wow, Mom, you made all this? It's like you're the Jesus of car...
(Lisa spots Bart and his Blues muscian friends hanging out in the attic.)
Lisa: Bart! What are you doing here?
Bart: Uh, (Stammers) not smoking reefer.
Blues Musician: Uh, that's right. We--we all not smokin' reefer.
- Permalink: Bart! What are you doing here? Uh, not smoking reefer. Uh, ...
Okay, this little guy's comin' home with me. (Pets the dog) Ooh! Who's going to get neutered tomorrow? You are! Oh, yes you are!</i> Lisa
- Permalink: Okay, this little guy's comin' home with me. Ooh! Who's going t...
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Lisa Simpson
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Would do us the honor
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Of sitting in(Lisa gasps) that chair in the audience. We wanna jam with your brother.
- Permalink: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you ...
(The dog Lisa didn't pick at the Animal Shelter comes back to haunt her in her sleep.)
Dog Spirit: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me.
Lisa: Me? How?
Dog Spirit: By choosing the cuter puppy. You picked looks over personality, youth over experience, no history of rabies over unknown rabies status. And now I'm going to die!
Lisa: I never wanted that to happen!
Dog Spirit: You suuuck, You suuuck!
(The Dog Spirit scratches on Lisa's door to get out and Lisa opens it.)
Dog Spirit: Ah, thanks, sweetie. You suuuck!
- Permalink: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me. Me? How? By choosing the cut...
Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!
- Permalink: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz. It's jazz!...
All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drummer, but I never thought the two stories would intersect!
- Permalink: All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drumm...
(Homer walks into a toy aisle filled with stuffed recording hippos)
Stuffed Hippo #1: (With Bart's voice) Homer has a lard butt!
Homer: What did you say?
Stuffed Hippo #2: (With Bart's voice) Homer has booger breath!
Homer: It's a medical condition!
Stuffed Hippo #3: (With Bart's voice) Homer is a big jerk!
Homer: Who told you these things about me?!
Stuffed Hippo #4: (With Bart's voice) Dung Muncher!
Stuffed Hippo #5: (With Bart's voice) Stink Brain!
Stuffed Hippo #6: (With Bart's voice) Cheese Wang!
Stuffed Hippo #7: (With Bart's voice) Captain Crud!
Homer: (Angrily) I don't want to get mad, but I will!
(Bart's insulting recordings on the stuffed hippos begin to overlap)
Homer: Oh, that's it!
(Marge, Lisa, and Maggie are at the register counter)
Lisa: Uh, Mom, we've got a Code Four!
(Homer is seen ripping, tearing, and biting apart the still insulting hippos as Bart is laughing uproariously. Homer then grabs a stuffed unicorn and uses its horn to jab the hippos to stop the recordings)
Homer: It didn't have to go down like this!
- Permalink: Homer has a lard butt! What did you say? Homer has booger b...