Lisa Simpson Quotes
Lisa: You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father!
Homer: When I put on these shorts, I'm not your father anymore. And judging by how tight they are, I'm never gonna be anyone else's either.
- Permalink: You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father! When I put ...
Lisa: And this website will tell you the weather.
Marge: Sunny? I never have to look out the window again.
- Permalink: And this website will tell you the weather. Sunny? I never hav...
(to Marge about her Internet surfing success) I'm proud of you, Mom! You're like Christopher Columbus. You discovered something millions of people knew about before you.
- Permalink: I'm proud of you, Mom! You're like Christopher Columbus. You dis...
Dad, you're out of shape even for an American.
- Permalink: Dad, you're out of shape even for an American.
(After the family puts their special items in the safe, smoke begins coming out.)
Bart: What's that comin' out of the safe?
Homer: I don't know--Maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlights, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil and soon explode.
Lisa: Dad, that's ridiculous!
(The safe blows apart from the explosion.)
Krusty Doll: What's the deal with this California pizza? If I wanted cheese and fruit--(As it burns from the flames and begins melting)--I'd...have...to...(Melts into a plastic puddle)
Marge: (Devastated when the family album falls apart into ashes) Nooooooo! It's gone! That family album was a record of my accomplishments! It's like what a resume is for a man.
Lisa: I agree, Mom. It's very sad. But we'll have to move on. It's not like we can restage all our family photos.
Marge: (Becoming delighted upon the idea) Restage the photos!
Bart: Lisa you fool, you've doomed us all!
(Marge quickly puts a baby bonnet on him and snaps a shot with her camera as he cries out before she takes a second shot, which is among the first ones seen in the new family album.)
- Permalink: What's that comin' out of the safe? I don't know--Maybe the Kr...
Lisa: Now we can enjoy Boxingham Palace in peace.
Bart: Want to melt it with a hose?
Lisa: Sure I guess, a couple of birds pooped on it over here.
- Permalink: Now we can enjoy Boxingham Palace in peace. Want to melt it wi...
Lisa: Dad, don't throw rice, it makes the birds swell up!
Homer: Oh, Lisa, that's one of those rumors you get off the internet.
(Behind them, three birds explode)
Homer: Hey Selma? Want some rice?
- Permalink: Dad, don't throw rice, it makes the birds swell up! Oh, Lisa, ...
(Bart and Lisa are playing Ping Pong.)
- Permalink: Ping. Pong. Ping. Pong.
Bart: Lower the draw bridge!
Lisa: What's the password?
Bart: (slowly) I love my sister.
- Permalink: Lower the draw bridge! What's the password? I love my siste...
Lisa: Nelson, you came to help us in our time of need.
(Nelson jumps off the fort.)
Nelson: HA! HA!
- Permalink: Nelson, you came to help us in our time of need. HA! HA!
Lisa: What kind of lunch is this? A drawing of a sandwich.
Bart: All I got is Grandpa's medication.
- Permalink: What kind of lunch is this? A drawing of a sandwich. All I got...
Lisa: My name is Lisa. What are your names?
Yokel Child: Whitney.
Yokel Child: Jitney.
Yokel Child: Dubya.
Yokel Child: Incest.
Yokel Child: Krystalmeth.
Yokel Child: International Harvester.
Yokel Child: Birthday.
Jitney: Awwww, are we gonna do this much work every day?
- Permalink: My name is Lisa. What are your names? Whitney. Jitney. Dub...