Lisa: I've got something! The sixth grade security camera shows three empty desks.
Principal Skinner: Enhance!
(Camera zooms in on desk with "Skinner Stinks" carved into it)
Principal Skinner: De-hance! De-hance!

Milhouse: Lisa, if I don't make it back, there's a letter in my locker I want you to read.
Lisa: I've already read it.
Principal Skinner: We've all read it.

(Homer picks up the bomb which has 7 seconds left till it blows)
Homer: Oh a thermos! And it has 7 cups of coffee left.
(The bomb changes to 6)
Homer: No wait, 6.
Lisa: Dad! That's a bomb!
Homer: Ah! You take it!

Lisa: What if Santa's Little Helper stops being a police dog, then he can get a non-violent job like barking songs on novelty Christmas records. You can do it, boy!
(Santa's Little Helper's barks 'The Dreidel Song')
Lisa: No, boy, that's Hannukah!

Bart: Hey Lis, wanna touch Strangles? He's not slimy at all, he's scaly.
Lisa: (After touching the snake) Eww! He is slimy!
Bart: That's because I soaked him in slime!

Dad, why don't you throw me in the air and I can see which way is out? (he does) Corn. (again) More corn. (again) Another kid getting thrown in the air. (again) Witches' coven. (again) Seattle Space Needle. (again) Amateur production of You Can't Take It With You. (again) Oh, I'm getting dizzy. (again) And corn again.

</i> Lisa

Homer: There sure is a lot of corn in this parking lot.
Lisa: Dad, we're in the MAZE!

Homer: I can't wait for my first fire. Is that one?
Lisa: That's just someone barbecuing.
Homer: Is that one?
Bart: That's a guy with red hair.

Lisa: Bart, come with me. I'll take you to someone who will make you feel better.
Bart: Is it my rabbit, Cottontail? The one who went to live upstate?
Lisa: He died, Bart. Dad buried him in the backyard. But not in that order.

Homer: Lisa, honey, I bought you something. A DVD!
Lisa: Not interested!
Homer: It's a documentary! By the BBC! In cooperation with Canal+!
Lisa: Ah! Gimme gimme gimme!!

Lisa: You can't give me a yellow card! You're my father!
Homer: When I put on these shorts, I'm not your father anymore. And judging by how tight they are, I'm never gonna be anyone else's either.

Lisa: And this website will tell you the weather.
Marge: Sunny? I never have to look out the window again.

The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!