Watch this. I can fit Emily Dickinson's whole head in my mouth

How many times does a woman meet Mr. Right? I've had three chances; Floyd, then Carol, and I was once in an elevator with Tom Brokaw, and I blew all three...opportunities

Carol: I will waste you!
Liz: You'll have to go through this old bastard first.

Liz: And you're no better Carol. You built that bookshelf incorrectly.
Carol: I did not. I wanted the books to slide off.

Jack: Avery and I want the baby's middle name to be Elizabeth, after you.
Liz: Oh Jack, that's so gay balls.

Carmen: What's wrong with you?
Liz: Almost everything.

I am telling everyone here that there is no way I can be pregnant, because I have had my period for the last 61 days.

Some dude jacked me, and now his sperm is growing in my stomach.

Man, we all lead such complicated lives. Hey, you wanna go to that new popcorn place for lunch?

Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.

First of all, I look weird there because I'm snarting.

Liz: Your online romance prank was not funny. I fell in love with you!
Tracy: You wore a yellow hat to that coffee shop.

30 Rock Quotes

We'll trick those race car-loving wide loads into loving your, watching your lefty homoerotic propaganda hour yet!


I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.