Luke: I've heard The Jonas Brothers get nervous before every show.
Phil: Not Kevin.
Luke: Especially Kevin!

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.

Phil: Wow, this place has really changed. Time marches on, huh? See that Starbucks down there, you know what that used to be?
Luke: An orange grove?
Phil: No, a Burger King. You can still see some of the architecture.

My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived is Peabo Bryson.

Manny: Oh no, who will pee all over the bathroom floor?
Luke: I was brushing my teeth at the same time...you try to do that.

I had bread, I had cheese, and I had an iron. What was I supposed to do?

We had a fire drill last night. Not the hotel. Just me and Manny.

Manny's the worst roommate ever. Everything he finds, he folds.

Luke: Manny and I are going to practice lay-ups.
Manny: They are deceptively hard. A curious mix of dance and strength.
Luke: You're ruining it again.

Claire [after eating Haley's cupcakes]: Do we still have the number for poison control?
Phil: I love you, Claire, I'll always love you!
Luke: My mouth is asleep like at the dentist.

Luke: I dunno, mom always tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're the last person who should give me anything. You got me here. You got me to graduation, to Cal tech. You did it. You're done.

Alex