Luke: I've heard The Jonas Brothers get nervous before every show.
Phil: Not Kevin.
Luke: Especially Kevin!

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.

Phil: Wow, this place has really changed. Time marches on, huh? See that Starbucks down there, you know what that used to be?
Luke: An orange grove?
Phil: No, a Burger King. You can still see some of the architecture.

My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived is Peabo Bryson.

Manny: Oh no, who will pee all over the bathroom floor?
Luke: I was brushing my teeth at the same time...you try to do that.

I had bread, I had cheese, and I had an iron. What was I supposed to do?

We had a fire drill last night. Not the hotel. Just me and Manny.

Manny's the worst roommate ever. Everything he finds, he folds.

Luke: Manny and I are going to practice lay-ups.
Manny: They are deceptively hard. A curious mix of dance and strength.
Luke: You're ruining it again.

Claire [after eating Haley's cupcakes]: Do we still have the number for poison control?
Phil: I love you, Claire, I'll always love you!
Luke: My mouth is asleep like at the dentist.

Luke: I dunno, mom always tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Cameron: If I wasn't in school or fishing, I was clowning. There are four types of clowns: a tramp, Auguste, a whiteface, and a character. I am a classically trained Auguste clown named Fizbo.
Mitchell: Between the clowning and the fishing, I'm surprised you had time for the schooling. Aww, there's the fifth type, the sad clown.
Cameron: A sad clown is a tramp.. so there's still only four types.