Mac Quotes

This pool is our bootstraps. It's lifting us up to the middle class.

Mac: What about your front pockets?
Charlie: Nah, I cut them off because they were overshooting the bottom of my shorts.

Mac: Let's order some food and then we can have the delivery guy come and get us out.
Charlie: And we'll get some Chinese food because that's the classiest pool side food you can have.
Mac: Yeah, we probably shouldn't get Chinese because those delivery guys are always Chinese and he's won't understand a word we say and plus he's gonna be too short.
Charlie: Could really go for some Chinese food, though. It's gonna be good.
Mac: But we're not actually eating the food.
Charlie: I'm gonna eat the food, for sure. I'm starving.
Mac: Let me handle it. We're gonna get some pizza. He's gonna be big Italian lug and he's gonna fish us out of here.
Mac: Fish sounds good. See if they have fish there.
Charlie: I'll ask.

Mac: Bro, when you tack on mass, you sacrifice flexibility. That's just a straight up fact
Charlie: That's insane. Touch your toes.
Mac: What am I a gymnast?

All of my instincts and my training are telling me to use this like a weapon.

Radio Host: You gotta stop cursing.
Mac: You guys can't censor me. I'm a bit of a bad ass.

Mac: Hey bro, how'd you lose your hand?
Sailor: Diabetes.
Mac: That's not much of an adventure is it? Kind of tragic.

You look like one of those inflatable dancing things at the used car lot. The one's that flail around in the wind.

Frank: We'll get that idiot lawyer that always helps us out. He does good by us.
Mac: Yes, he's excellent but he slapped a restrainer order on us so we can't use him. [To Dennis]: Also you need a lawyer, too.
Dennis: I need a lawyer?
Mac: How are you not grasping this concept?
Dennis: Oh... for the divorce.

Maureen: I want you and your boy toy out of my apartment, now!
Mac: I'm the boy toy.

Mac: Maybe I should go to my room.
Maureen: That is not your room anymore. It's my craft studio, so kindly stay out of there.
Mac: What!?
Dennis: Don't freak out, dude. She turned it it into a terrible craft studio where she makes terrible sweatshirts out of cats. Or puts cats in sweatshirts.

Dennis: I am having feelings again. Like some kind of fourteen year old kid. You remember, feelings right?
Mac: Yeah. I have feelings every single day of my life.
Dennis: Do you?
Mac: Are you saying you don't have feelings?
Dennis: What I'm saying is a built up a shell.. a shell around myself. A cold, calculated shell that couldn't be broken by anything but marriage.

It's Always Sunny Quotes

Charlie: I'll totally pull a Good Will Hunting on those kids and that'll put them in their place.
Mac: How you gonna do that?
Charlie: Well, you've seen the movie right?
Mac: Yeah.
Charlie: So all I gotta do is, I'll ask them some big shot, like math or science, history-type college question aand that will totally stump them by knowing a lot more about the answer than they do.
Mac: In that movie, Matt Damon played a genius janitor, you're just a janitor.
Charlie: Right, you stumped me with that one.

Mac: He doesn't have any poison.
Charlie: I don't have any on me, but I do keep some in my fridge at home in the relish jar.
Frank: There's poison in that jar? I thought I was allergic to pickles. What's in the jar with the skull and crossbones?
Charlie: Well that's mayonnaise. It's a decoy.
Frank: And the mayo?
Charlie: That's shampoo.
Frank: You're telling I've been putting shampoo on my sandwiches?
Charlie: If you've been using the mayonnaise, then yeah, probably.

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