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How-i-met-your-mother

Ted (sipping a beer): This is what church has been missing. Dude, you fixed Church!
Marshall: You're welcome, God.

Marshall: Beer be with you...
Ted: And also with you.

Lily: I know what's bothering you. The cabbie just didn't look enough like Barney.
Marshall: Well that's just not true.

Marshall: But you were the fifth doppelganger! How can you be ... you? I called you, we had a whole conversation, Barney, what happened?
Barney: Ah, yes. I know what happened. People at work have this very strange expectation that I, well, work. I know, I know. So to make my colleagues think I'm busting my hump while I'm really out humping busty chicks, I decided to record a special recording.
Marshall: How can it be a recording, you called me Big Chief, my special workplace nickname?
Barney: Oh, buddy.

Marshall: Ted, I love you buddy, but there is no way you can pull off blonde.
Lily: Seriously, Ted, don't do it.
Ted: I'm going blonde!
Lily: Awwww.
Marshall: That is NOT the outcome we were hoping for.

I can't wait to tell the gang. This is one of those moments you dream about! Guys ... Lily and I ... are having unprotected sex. I just got the chills.

Why is Ellen DeGeneres in our bedroom?

Marshall: Please, I don't have any baggage.
Lily: Mommy issues.
Marshall: No.
Lily: Grandmother issues.
Marshall: Nah.
Lily: Great-grandmother issues.
Marshall: I just don't like when she picks me up!

Marshall: Wait, you actually used Jed Mosly's catchphrase?
Ted: Oh yeah ... How do you know that's his catchphrase?
Marshall: [pauses] Hey, I wanted to see Avatar.

So, funny thing about Willem Dafoe. His name sounds like it's being spoken by a frog, then a parrot. Willem. DA-FOE! Willem. DA-FOE!

Marshall: Aww ... Lilllly ... babieeeeees!
Barney: I hope Ted is miserable right now.

Barney: Rule #83. If anything coming out of that child's mouth lands on me, I get to touch Lily's boobs.
Marshall: Dude, what is it with you and my wife's boobs tonight?

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 327 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

Ted
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