Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS

Kevin: Hey guys where are Marshall and Lily?
Robin: Something terrible happened.
Kevin: Are they ok? Are they in the hospital?
Barney: No, somewhere much, much worse...
Marshall: Long Island!

OK after Thanksgiving I'm cutting out carbs.

Hey dude fork over those nachos...

I think that sandwich was laced with other hard meats.

Lily: Marshall, your insurance doesn't kick in till tomorrow.
Marshall: Yeah well you know what? Life kicks in right now!

Hey, it's been no picnic for me either. You don't even do the voices.

You may knot, with a K. A little tie pun.

Nobody wakes up and says "today I'm going to star in a YouTube video!"

Lily you just gave those children a stapler, a pair of sharp scissors and a pretty decent Pinot Noir.

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