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How-i-met-your-mother

Mom I hate to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it was hot pocket o'clock like ten minutes ago.

Lily: We hate Ted now. Get on board or the sexting stops!
Marshall: Ted's a son of a bitch!

I really, really, love you guys. Now I'm gonna go drop a deuce.

Crocodile Dundee Three is the second best of the Croc trilogies, so maybe I can live with that.

My sperm is fine!

Marshall: Tell him that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? I don't even know how to have that conversation.
Barney: I'll show you. Dad, uh there's something I need to tell you. It's going to come as a bit of a shock. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri County Laser Tag Co Champion.

I'm freaking out, is there a chance I won't be able to have kids? I've been hit in the nuts a lot.

Lily: We're doing it a lot.
Marshall: And everywhere. The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your waiting - the kitchen.

Marshall: Nursery is painted!
Lily: Blue? What if it's a girl?
Marshall: Damnit!

Hey can I ask you a question that has plagued me for years? Can girls aim?

Marshall: Are you sure you did it right?
Lily: Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick?

Robin: I'm so sorry, you must think I'm totally disgusting.
Marshall: I totally do.

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 327 in total

HIMYM Quotes

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney

You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it.

Ted
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