Mom I hate to be that guy, but I'm pretty sure it was hot pocket o'clock like ten minutes ago.

Lily: We hate Ted now. Get on board or the sexting stops!
Marshall: Ted's a son of a bitch!

I really, really, love you guys. Now I'm gonna go drop a deuce.

Crocodile Dundee Three is the second best of the Croc trilogies, so maybe I can live with that.

My sperm is fine!

Marshall: Tell him that I might not be able to give him a grandchild? I don't even know how to have that conversation.
Barney: I'll show you. Dad, uh there's something I need to tell you. It's going to come as a bit of a shock. You are speaking to the 2011 Tri County Laser Tag Co Champion.

I'm freaking out, is there a chance I won't be able to have kids? I've been hit in the nuts a lot.

Lily: We're doing it a lot.
Marshall: And everywhere. The kitchen, the bathroom, the living room, outside in your waiting - the kitchen.

Marshall: Nursery is painted!
Lily: Blue? What if it's a girl?
Marshall: Damnit!

Hey can I ask you a question that has plagued me for years? Can girls aim?

Marshall: Are you sure you did it right?
Lily: Is there a wrong way to pee on a stick?

Robin: I'm so sorry, you must think I'm totally disgusting.
Marshall: I totally do.

HIMYM Quotes

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.

Ted