Michael Bluth Quotes
(Talking about Rita)
Michael: You know she's amazing. You know she was in the Olympics?!
Narrator: She wasn't.
Lindsay: She's that Rita Leeds? Wasn't she on the cover of Newsweek?
- Permalink: You know she's amazing. You know she was in the Olympics?! She...
Michael: What's the surrogate doing here?
George Sr./Larry: We're meeting with the lawyers, so I've hired this guy to be my eyes and ears.
Michael: You know, dad, this guy costs us a fortune.
Larry: He's worth every penny.
George Sr.: Hey, I didn't say that.
- Permalink: What's the surrogate doing here? We're meeting with the lawyer...
Michael: (about Steve Holt) Your son?
Gob: According to him.
Michael: And a DNA test.
Gob: I heard the jury's still out on science.
- Permalink: Your son? According to him. And a DNA test. I heard the ju...
Rita: You are really quite a man, Michael.
Michael: You really think so?
Rita: Oh, yes. You are a complete and utter *bleep*. (kisses Michael and then leaves)
Narrator: I can't believe we had to bleep that. It would've been such a nice moment.
- Permalink: You are really quite a man, Michael. You really think so? Oh...
Tobias: She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her lies a queen. Let me out that queen.
Michael: Yeah, I think you just did.
- Permalink: She's a girl, I need to teach her how to be a woman. Within her ...
Michael: I was thinking you and I should maybe go play a little catch. You know, maybe go for a run, do some guy stuff.
George Michael: But we're not good at that stuff.
- Permalink: I was thinking you and I should maybe go play a little catch. Yo...
(Talking before a beauty pageant)
Ann: I could sing to the camel!
Tobias: Yes, we can Google some disco songs with the word 'hump' in them.
George Michael: No, that sounds a bit racy.
Tobias: Okay, he may be afraid of sex but you're not going to win without it.
George Michael: No, I'm not afraid of sex.
Tobias: Oh, good. Have sex with this girl right now. Do it. Go. Get in there, have some sex with her right now.
- Permalink: I could sing to the camel! Yes, we can Google some disco songs...
Michael: I'm not going to lie to your son.
Gob: Come on! I lie to yours all the time.
- Permalink: I'm not going to lie to your son. Come on! I lie to yours all ...
Gob: I'm gonna be busy this weekend being a Judge Pageant.
Narrator: Gob has been a Judge Pageant for years.
Gob: Can you believe what it does to your sex life?
Michael: I don't wanna hear it.
Gob: I don't wanna say it. First place, chick's hot, but has an attitude: doesn't date magicians. Second place, is someone weird usually, like a Chinese girl or a geologist. But third of all, although a little bit plain, her super low self-esteem. So I step in and lay her 'crown' upon my sweet 'head'.
Michael: Have I missed this euphemism?
- Permalink: I'm gonna be busy this weekend being a Judge Pageant. Gob has ...