Miranda Hobbes Quotes
(to Samantha, who's offered to take Charlotte to a Playboy Mansion party) Why would that cheer her up? Does she look like a 22-year-old frat boy?
Carrie: I got mugged. She took everything I got.
Samantha: It's called the Brazilian wax.
Miranda: Why didn't you tell her to stop?
Carrie: I tried. I feel like one of those freaking hairless dogs.
Samantha: It's a ascetic thing, everyone goes bare out here.
Miranda: Of course, they do. LA men are too lazy to go searching for anything.
Charlotte: My marriage is a fake fendi.
Miranda: Excuse me?
Charlotte: Trey and I look like the perfect couple from the outside but on the inside its all fake, it's not special. He can't even get it up.
Samantha: What?
Charlotte: We've never had sex...
Miranda: But, you've been married for...
Charlotte: Over a month.
Samantha: You've never had sex?
Carrie: It's not a physical thing, it's emotional.
Miranda: You knew about this?
Carrie: She told me at the wedding.
Samantha: What is it about California air? It makes me sleep so well.
(Miranda nods her head in agreement)
Carrie: It's not the air, your head-board knocked you unconscious.
Samantha: You heard us?
Miranda: I didn't.
Carrie: No, Ms. Snore, you wouldn't.
Samantha: Isn't this fun?
Carrie: The answer to that would be no. Sweetie, we want to go.
Samantha: What? We can't leave yet, look they haven't even cut the cock .
Miranda: What are the chances its cream filled?
Samantha: I've got something to make you feel better.
Carrie: Oh, dildos, before 10 am I'm all perked up.
Samantha: Their autographed one for each.
Miranda: My friend went to California and all I got was this lousy dildo.
Samantha: You said you knew how to drive a stick shift?
Carrie: Well, I did it a couple of times in a parking lot.
Miranda: Why didn't you get an automatic?
Carrie: I love this car, it goes with my outfit.
(holding up the dildo)
Miranda: Wow! Nobody needs this much. You know the average woman is only five inches deep.
Carrie: Is that written on your placemat or something?
Miranda: To me the mark of a fine penis is width.
Samantha: I couldn' t agree with you more.
Charlotte: I can't believe you're all going to L.A. without me.
Miranda: We still can't believe you went on your honeymoon without us.
Carrie: You said you were a Stewardess?
Miranda: I was testing a theory.
Carrie: A theory being?
Miranda: That men are threatened by powerful jobs. They don't want a lawyer, they want...
Aiden: A liar!
Charlotte: Miranda, please don't bleed on my dress?
Miranda: I'm trying not to.
Miranda: She's so damn happy.
Samantha: Of course she's happy, she doesn't have to be a bridesmaid.
Carrie: Well, we got off easy, let's not forget the groomsmen have to wear kilts.
Samantha: I like the idea of men in skirts, easy access.
Miranda: Is it true that they wear nothing underneath?
Samantha: I'll find out and get back to you.
