Mitchell: This morning, Cam, fully dressed....
Jay: Thank god it's one of those stories.

OK, every once in a while you say that thing about the twig, and I need you to know, that bothers me.

Cam: Thanks for staying home with me.
Mitchell: Well, you know, in sickness and in health, right?
Cam: You're still blinkin' sweetie.

Mitchell: You do love pink.
Cam: No, pink loves me.

It happens to be mother's day. Not martyr's day.

Gloria: Lily! When something awful happens, you're going to be mine!
Mitchell: It really is an "if" situation...
Gloria: All mine!

Mitchell: How are you doing?
Cameron: Oh not good. I'm just glad my clown training prepared me to take a fall like that.
Mitchell: In terms of talking about it, are we looking at weeks? Months?
Cameron: Do not minimize it, oh he who I had to rush to the emergency room when he fell out of his clogs.

Cameron: I love Jay, but I don't know about him raising a child.
Mitchell: He raised me.
Cameron: Well now you've put me in an awkward position.

Mitchell: Did we come at a bad time?
Claire: Come back in five years and seven months when they're all gone!

Cam: Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?
Mitchell: I do not.
Cam: You do it all the time and you know what I end up with? Wet Dreams. I heard it as soon as I said it; just leave it alone.

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.

Manny

Tell Bob Fussy he's overdoing it and you want to go back to the old stuff.