Hey Cam, I heard a rumor that you keep flashing our guests.

So what you're saying is you have a child shaped hole in your heart and you wanna stuff a cat into it.

Mitchell: I think I'm laying on a rock.
Cam: I'm laying next to mine.

How cool would it be if you turned into Wonder Woman right now?

You can't get fired from a favor!

I haven't been judged by this many people since I forgot my canvas bags at Whole Foods.

Cam: Do you have a better idea, you're the one who lost it!
Mitchell: No, you tossed it. You tossed it, lost it.

Knock it off old man!

Mitchell: I know how important winning is to Claire.
Cam: And I love to festoon things.

Mitchell: Oh my God, there's Sandy.
Cam: Sandra Bullock?
Mitchell: Yeah we're such good friends, I just call her Sandy.

A month after the most devastating twister to ever hit Cam's hometown, I throw a party based on gay cinema's most famous tornado.

Okay birthday boy, what's it gonna be, rom-com or horror? Or we could do both and watch Maid in Manhattan.

Modern Family Quotes

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.