It happens to be mother's day. Not martyr's day.

Gloria: Lily! When something awful happens, you're going to be mine!
Mitchell: It really is an "if" situation...
Gloria: All mine!

Mitchell: How are you doing?
Cameron: Oh not good. I'm just glad my clown training prepared me to take a fall like that.
Mitchell: In terms of talking about it, are we looking at weeks? Months?
Cameron: Do not minimize it, oh he who I had to rush to the emergency room when he fell out of his clogs.

Cameron: I love Jay, but I don't know about him raising a child.
Mitchell: He raised me.
Cameron: Well now you've put me in an awkward position.

Mitchell: Did we come at a bad time?
Claire: Come back in five years and seven months when they're all gone!

Cam: Why do you have to throw a wet blanket on my dreams?
Mitchell: I do not.
Cam: You do it all the time and you know what I end up with? Wet Dreams. I heard it as soon as I said it; just leave it alone.

Kevin is biting his nails again and Rueben hasn't had a bowel movement in a week. Don't laugh. That's how Elvis died.


Tell Bob Fussy he's overdoing it and you want to go back to the old stuff.

Mitchell: When I was 12-years-old my father walked into my bedroom and caught me doing the most embarrassing thing that a boy can do: dancing to Madonna's 'Lucky Star.'

Mitchell: Who signed an agreement for a sixteen year health club membership?
Cameron: You have to spend money to save money.

What did Oprah do now

I was wrong, every kid wants a clown for a dad.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


That's the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.