Mitchell: When I was 12-years-old my father walked into my bedroom and caught me doing the most embarrassing thing that a boy can do: dancing to Madonna's 'Lucky Star.'

Mitchell: Who signed an agreement for a sixteen year health club membership?
Cameron: You have to spend money to save money.

What did Oprah do now

I was wrong, every kid wants a clown for a dad.

Mitchell: I guess you don't respect party themes.
Cam: You did NOT just say that.

You're so gay you can't even think of real girls names.

This could be my 'going bald' scare all over again.

I once saw a picture of myself at a friend's poetry slam, and all you could see were the whites of my eyes.

Cam: She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean.
Mitchell: You know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?

You did one production of Godspell in a barn. You're barn folk!

Mitchell: She wants us to buy Lily a Blackberry.
Cam: She doesn't have the dexterity for that!

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.