Mitchell: When I was 12-years-old my father walked into my bedroom and caught me doing the most embarrassing thing that a boy can do: dancing to Madonna's 'Lucky Star.'

Mitchell: Who signed an agreement for a sixteen year health club membership?
Cameron: You have to spend money to save money.

What did Oprah do now

I was wrong, every kid wants a clown for a dad.

Mitchell: I guess you don't respect party themes.
Cam: You did NOT just say that.

You're so gay you can't even think of real girls names.

This could be my 'going bald' scare all over again.

I once saw a picture of myself at a friend's poetry slam, and all you could see were the whites of my eyes.

Cam: She's already prone to flashbacks, if you know what I mean.
Mitchell: You know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?

You did one production of Godspell in a barn. You're barn folk!

Mitchell: She wants us to buy Lily a Blackberry.
Cam: She doesn't have the dexterity for that!

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

You're like a mob wife. You complain about what I do, but have no problem wearing the fur that fell off the back of the truck.

Mitchell