Claire: So I finally get out of the closet and there’s dad looking down on me.
Mitchell: Been there.

Lily: Stop Dad you’re embarrassing me.
Mitchell: Welcome to the rest of your life sweetheart.

Missouri, misery, huh?

Mitchell [to Lily]: Wanna get our face painted like a pretty butterfly?
Cam: No I’m not in the mood.

Okay one of us has to change. We look like twin toddlers at church.

Oh this is Haley, 'be there in 5, Alex took ducking forever.'

Mitchell: Hey fiancée.
Cam: Hello my intended.

C'mon does Gloria really look like the kind of woman who would run a brothel? Yeah I better go with her.

Cam: You know what we don't have in this family? Two supportive loving fathers.
Mitchell: I'm just saying she's five.
Cam: And you never let her forget it.

Cam: Well obviously the tooth fairy made a mistake.
Mitchell: Maybe it's cause the tooth fairy had a little too much chardonnay last night.

Easy Duchess, it's just one room, not Gosford Park.

Cam: I knew when I was 5.
Mitchell: Everyone knew when you were 5.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.