South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite Mr. Mackey Quotes
Mr. Garrison: (answering phone) Hello?
Mr. Mackey: Hello, is Mr. Hat there?
Mr. Garrison: Is this some kind of joke?!
Mr. Mackey: (chuckles) Yes.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! I'm gonna find out who you are!
Mr. Mackey: No, I don't think you can... M'kay?
Mr. Garrison: (hanging up) Goddammit!
Mr. Mackey: What do you love most?
Mr. Garrison: Besides teaching?
Mr. Mackey: Yes
Mr. Garrison: Poon tang
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay.
Mr. Garrison: I can't help it. I'm a womanizer sometimes I know but I just think that bringing a woman home and getting some hot poon is about the greatest thing in the world.
Mr. Mackey: Well that settles it Mr. Garrison, what you need to do is go write a great romance novel!
Mr. Mackey: Garrison, I know this is very difficult, m'kay, but I must ask. Is there a history of sexual abuse in your family?
Mr. Garrison: Some, yes. There was my Uncle Richard. Hehe molested me.
Mr. Mackey: When was that?
Mr. Garrison: Saturday. Lastlast Saturday.
(talking to Mr. Garrison's dad) Don't lose your son over this, mmkay. Don'tloseyoursonMmkay.
(to Cartman) But you know, if you have completely lost your sense of humor, you can always become a writer for the show, Friends. (laughs)
Stan: (imitating Mr. Mackey) We're sorry, Mr. Mackey, mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Uh, that's okay, just don't let it happen again.
Kyle: We won't let it happen again, Mr. Mackey, mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay, that's that.
Cartman: Mmkay?
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay.
After being dismissed from teaching, he went off to write romance novels. His first novel sold very well and everything was fine until he found out his novel won the Gay Pulitzer Prize, and was considered the best homo-erotic novel since 'Huckleberry Finn'.
Mr. Mackey: M'kay. That sounded great kids.
Mr. Garrison: Sure, if you like the sound of a peacock getting its neck broken.
Right now, you're nuttier than Chinese chicken salad, mmmkay. I mean, you're one screwed up little kid, do you understand?
Mr. Mackey: Now Eric, all these people came here and paid to send you to camp because they care about you.
Mr. Garrison: Yeah except for me, I just wanted to see the look on your face when we told you.
Mr. Mackey: Hi boys!
Stan and Kyle: (imitating Mackey) Hello, Mr. Mackey.
Mr. Mackey: Have you boys been sure to pass gas so that you don't spontaneously combust?
Kyle: We know how to fart, Mr. Mackey.
Mr. Mackey: Well let me show you. (pats his butt) Oooh, baby, come on.
(Mr. Mackey farts and boys cover their noses and mouths)
Kyle: Jesus Christ!
Stan: Sick, dude!
Mr. Mackey: I had a steak wrapped with bacon last night. (giggles)
Kyle: Dude, I think you pulled mud.
Mr. Mackey: So you know you need to do that regularly, mmmkay.
Stan: Okay, okay, just go away. (Mackey goes away) Dude, that was not cool at all.
[Mr. Mackey doesn't know about sex]
Stan: Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey?
Mr. Mackey: Well, sure I have! It's just I was about 19 at the time, so it's been about 21 years, m'kay. Let's see, uh, I'm pretty sure I took the -. Yeah I took the penis, and I but what the hell did I do with that damned thing?
