South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite Mr. Mackey Quotes
Mr. Mackey: Every year the fourth graders do "The Miracle Worker", and every year we have to sit and watch it.
Principal Victoria: Yeah, I swore that if I had to see it one more time I'd put a bullet in my head. But luckily, I got really stoned before I came.
Sergeant Yates: I know you're all worried about your family's security. All I can tell you is that so far Bane has not been caught.
Mr. Mackey: What are we supposed to do? I mean, if Bane is out there on the loose, then none of us are safe. And one Bane's bad enough, but apparently we've got like, like seven Banes, mmkay?
Penis or vagina! Right, oral sex. Mmkay.
I don't know what to believe in any more, mmkay!
Mr. Mackey: Well, what did you used to think was funny?
Cartman: You know, all the usual stuff. Dirty jokes, funny movies, seeing someone die. This morning, I even saw a little girl get her fingers caught in a car door and I couldn't laugh. I mean I, I knew it was funny, but I couldn't laugh.
Nurse Gollum: This is the strangest thing I've ever seen.
Mr. Mackey: Please, Nurse, for a woman with a dead fetus on her head you're not being very open-minded.
Mr. Mackey: Young man, school is a time for learning, not for your immature skylarkings.
Stan: Skylarkings?
Mr. Mackey: You know, tomfooleries.
Stan: Who?
Jakov: THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO THE GAME YOU GUYS!
Randy: No problem, Jakov.
Men: (cheers)
Jakov: GO NINERS! NINERS!
Gerald: We're cheering for the Broncos, Jakov!
Jakov: Oops!
(Men watching game)
Jakov: DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT? I WATCHED THIS RABBIT, IT'S A BROWN RABBIT, AND GUESS WHAT, IT TOOK DOOKEY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
Randy: Hey, Jakov, do you mind if you could buy some pretzels for us.
Jakov: OK! Do you have money?
Gerald: Here and don't go to the store down the block, go to the Fairplay place four miles from here, they have better pretzels.
Jakov: OKAY! (trips) OOPS!
Mr. Mackey: Jakovasaurs kinda piss me off, mkay?
Men: Yep.
Mr. Mackey: Wh-wh-what you need to do, uh, Damien is...is to be overly nice. See, n-no matter how mean the other kids are to you, just don't retaliate. Err, be passive, mmm'kay? That's what I taught the little British boy, Pip, an-and just look at how much the other children like him now!
(scene changes to the playground, a group of kids are gathered around Pip)
Clyde: I bet I could spit the most on him! (spits on his left shoulder
Bebe: Oh, yeah? I bet I could spit in his hair! (spits in his right eye)
Pip: Oh! Nice try! A little higher and you've got it!
Welcome. Mmkay?
Carol of the Bells song:
MR. MACKEY: Uh, Hark! hear the bells
Sweet silver bells
All seem to say,
"Ding Dong Mmmkay."
Christmas is here
Bringing good cheer
To young and old
Meek and the bold
Ding, dong, ding, dong
That is their song
With joyful ring (mmmkay)
All caroling
One seems to hear
Words of good cheer
From everywhere
Filling the air (mmmkay)
O, how they pound
Raising their sound
Or' Here and There
Telling their Tail
Gaily they ring
While people sing (mmmkay)
Songs of good cheer (mmmkay)
Christmas is here
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas
Merry, merry, merry, merry Christmas
On, on they send
On without end
Their joyful tone
To every home (mmmkay)
Hark! Hear the bells
Sweet silver bells
All seem to say,
"Ding Dong Mmmkay."
On, on they send (mmmkay)
On without end
Their joyful tone (mmmkay)
To every home
Ding dong ding dong .. mmmkay
Mmmkay
Mr. Mackey: Mmkay. Mr. Garrison you're just having a hard time dealing with the memories of your father's sexual abuse, so you switched personalities to Mr. Hat. Mmkay.
Mr. Garrison: Oh good one Sherlock. Did you figure that one out all by yourself?
