The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Ned Flanders Quotes
Homer: Flanders, I thought I was your plow man?
Ned: Uh Homer, why don't you plow it again?
Homer: Forget it, pal. I don't need your phoney baloney job. I'll take your money, but I'm not gonna plow your driveway!
(holding baby Lisa) Hi-dee-ho, Simpson. Your son shoved this through our doggy door. And since we're returning your second-born, do you think you could see your way to returning my TV tr--
(Homer takes Lisa and slams the door in Flanders' face)
Ned: If you need anything just give a whistle.
Homer: I could use a TV tray.
Ned: Well, gee...
Homer: What?
Ned: Uh, I just this minute bought it at the hardware...
Homer: You said "anything".
Ned: Heh, sure, you can borrow it for...a little while.
--
Homer: And that little while is now eight years and counting.
Ned: Suppertime, boys!
Rod: Oh boy! Liver!
Todd: Iron helps us play!
Ned: Homer, do you think you could show just the slightest bit of reverence?
Homer: Ned, I'm an American tourist. I'm just here to see some sights, try some goofy new foods, and spread some sheckles my with my Carolina Panthers credit card. Go Panthers!
Homer: Hey, Flanders! You smell like manure!
Ned Flanders: Uh oh...better cancel that dinner party tonight! Thanks for the nose news neighbor.
Lionel Hutz: First, some ground rules: Number one, we get bathroom breaks every half-hour.
Devil Flanders: Agreed! Number two, the jury will be chosen by me!
Lionel Hutz: Agreed. No, wait--
Devil Flanders: Silence! I give you the Jury of the Damned! Benedict Arnold, Lizzie Borden, Richard Nixon--
Nixon: But I'm not dead yet! In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
Devil Flanders: Hey, listen; I did a favor for you!
Nixon: Yes, master.
Devil Flanders: John Wilkes Booth, Blackbeard the Pirate, John Dillinger, the starting line-up of the 1976 Philadelphia Flyers!
Simpsons: Ahh!
Devil Flanders: Now remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for--
(Homer has already scarfed the donut)
Homer: Hey, wait. If I don't finish this last bite, you don't get my soul, do you?
Devil Flanders: Well, technically no, but--
Homer: I'm smarter than the Devil. I'm smarter than the Dev--
(Flanders turns into a huge demon)
Devil Flanders: You are not smarter than me. I'll see you in Hell yet, Homer Simpson.
Homer: Oh, I'd sell my soul for a donut.
(Flanders appears as the devil.)
Devil Flanders: Did I hear someone wanted to sell their soul?
Homer: Flanders?! You're the devil?!
Devil Flanders: It's always the one you least expect isn't it?
Homer: Oh, what does it matter? We're doomed!
Ned: (Sees a seagull) Wrong, we're saved! Seagulls always stay near land! They only go out to sea to die!
(The seagull squawks as it lands in the water and dies.)
Homer: Woo-hoo! See that, boy?! Your old man was right, not Flanders! We are doomed! (Points to Ned) In your face, Flanders!
Ned: Well, it's Bart Simpson...come on in! You're just in time for "Sponge Bath the Old Folks" Day!
Jasper: Help yourself...but stay above the equator!
Ned Flanders: I guess now we know why they call them rapids and not 'slow-pids', huh?
Bart: Ha ha ha!
Homer: (to Bart) You are not my son!
