Oscar Martinez Quotes
Kevin: A week later a friend of mine calls me up, and he says "I just saw him in a gay bar in Kansas City."
Michael: Well then it's a happy ending, because he was gay. You should call him!
Angela: My worst breakup was actually two breakups. Two different men. I was in love with both of them and when things went bad they had a duel over me.
Oscar: Yeah, Dwight and Andy. We were here.
Angela: No, this was years ago when I was living in Ohio. John Mark and John David.
Oscar: Angela, you had two sets of different men actually duel over you?
Angela: I guess I have. Huh.
Michael: Alright who's next? Where's Andy?
Oscar: He's on one of his honeymoons.
Oscar: Do you risk telling him how you feel? Do you say something that you can barely admit to yourself?
Angela: Oh God, what did you do? I mean, not that I approve of any of it but...
Oscar: I was stupid, I told him.
Kevin: Was he in to you in like a gay way?
Michael: Moron, if he was there wouldn't be a story.
Oscar: He told me he wasn't gay
Michael: Really sad.
Oscar: I'm not done yet.
Michael: Oh my God.
Michael: Well here we all are. Alone but together. No flowers for us. Relationships, we don't need no stinking relationships. I think we should all go around and tell our worst relationship story, and then get past it, just blow through it, yeah? Kelly, what about Ryan? He treated you pretty terribly, yeah?
Kelly: Well, his heart was in the right place.
Michael: Yeah, but now his heart is in Thailand along with the rest of his body having random sex. Okay, sorry, let's, who else? Oscar.
Oscar: I don't think so.
Michael: Come on, I'm sure there's something you need to get off your chest.
Oscar: I can't.
Michael: If you wanna just, anything? Are you sure? I'm sure whatever you did it wasn't your fault. OK well, who else?
I want to get that image out of my head. The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat, are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.
Angela: [with cats in background, on Nanny-Cam] Where is that bad cat? Oh, you know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat. Do you hear me? Bad. Yeah, you were bad. No, you look at me when I talk to you. Do you hear me, Mr. Ash? You look at me. 'Cause I'm talking to you right now.
Kevin: This is getting weird.
Oscar: Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue?
Kevin: Ohhh...
Kevin: Is that what I think it is?
Oscar: Good God!
Kevin: [gasps]
Oscar: [laughs]
Angela: [gasps]
Kevin: That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady!
Angela: No!
Meredith: Awesome!
Angela: Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat! That is very bad! You stop it right now! I swear, he is fixed.
Meredith: Yeah, I know fixed; that ain't fixed.
Kevin: No way.
Oscar: You have your cats on Nanny-Cam?
Angela: Yeah. I mean, I usually try to take leave when I get a new cat, but I'm out of vacation days. And this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, when somebody has a kid, oh sure, take off a year.
Meredith: She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.
Angela: Right. Anyways... I just want to make sure Princess Lady is acclimating well. She means more to me than anyone.
Kevin: Any cat, you mean.
Angela: And person.
Oscar: Where'd you get that kind of money?
Angela: I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.
Kevin: Wait, you didn't give it back?
Angela: He wouldn't have wanted that. Her name is Princess Lady!
Meredith: Seven grand?
Angela: Mm-hmm.
Meredith: I gotta see that little bitch.
Angela: Hello, everyone. Oh, ice cream. Nice, Kevin. Looks good.
Kevin: It... yeah.
Oscar: Angela, you're more chipper than usual.
Angela: I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the Martin family. She's hypoallergenic. She doesn't struggle when you try to dress her. She's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in 'Meet the Parents.' Needless to say, she was very, very expensive.
Meredith: How much?
Angela: Seven thousand dollars.
Creed: For a cat? I could get you a kid for that.
Oscar: Two?
Kevin: (holding ice creams) I didn't eat lunch.
Oscar: (stares)
Kevin: I didn't eat ALL my lunch.
I consider myself a good person, but I'm gonna try to make him cry.
Andy: Okay, it is time for the final votes. All of those in favor of resolution Hillary Swank is hot? [half of office raises hands] Okay. And all those opposed? [other half of office raises hands]
Kevin: This is ridiculous.
Oscar: That's the thing about debating, you're just going to get people more entrenched in the view they had in the first place.
