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Oscar: Hey, um... thanks for trying to hook me up.
Andy: You kidding me? It's what I do. Get the whole nine 'nards.
Oscar: I can't believe we called her up.
Andy: Totally! What. Who?
Oscar: Angela. I can't believe we called her up last night.
Andy: We called Angela?
Oscar: You... you called... you called her.
Andy: That was real?! I thought I dreamed that. Oh, God!
Andy: Oh, God!
- Permalink: Hey, um... thanks for trying to hook me up. You kidding me? It...
Angela: [on phone] Hello? Hello?
Andy: What is wrong with you?
Oscar: Why won't you do Andy?
Andy: That was Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me and I think it's a valid question.
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: This is Andy Bernard!
Angela: I know who this is!
Andy: I wanna take you to sex school.
Dwight: [on phone] Who is that, Monkey?
Andy: Is somebody there?
Angela: Are you drunk?
Andy: I have needs.
Angela: We will discuss this later.
Andy: We'll discuss it later naked. I want to see you naked.
- Permalink: Hello? Hello? What is wrong with you? Why won't you do Andy?...
Oscar: What do you see in her? What do you see in Angela?
Andy: What do I see in Angela?
Oscar: I want to know.
Andy: I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. She is teaching me to be a better person. And she's working really hard on that. And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have sex with her.
Oscar: You haven't had sex?
- Permalink: What do you see in her? What do you see in Angela? What do I s...
Andy: You'll thank me when they spank thee.
Oscar: Don't do this...
Andy: Do you guys like apples?
Guy at table: What?
Andy: Do you like apples?
Guy at table: Uh, sorry... what?
Andy: [gives them drinks] Well, how do you like these apples? Alright, on a scale of 1-10, how hot is that dude?
Guy at table: Is he your boyfriend or something?
Andy: No, but he could be yours if you play your cards right.
Guy: Dude, leave us alone.
- Permalink: You'll thank me when they spank thee. Don't do this... Do yo...
Andy: Alright, I've scoped out the joint. Those two dudes are as good as naked.
Oscar: How do you even know they're gay?
Andy: C'mon! It's Dandy Dale and Foppy McGee over there. Mademoiselle! Beer me dos Long Island iced teas s'ill vous plait... Bad decision in a glass.
- Permalink: Alright, I've scoped out the joint. Those two dudes are as good ...
Oscar: I'll check us in.
Andy: Very cool.
Michael: Very cool.
Andy: We are going to find out where the action is, my friend.
Andy: Where's the concierge?
Michael: Yes! Wallace said there would be one of those.
- Permalink: I'll check us in. Alright. Very cool. Very cool. We are ...
Oscar: [to Creed, dressed as the Joker] Whoa! Awesome.
Creed: Let's put a smile on that face!
Kevin: [also dressed as the Joker] Dammit Creed! I've been up since four!
- Permalink: Whoa! Awesome. Let's put a smile on that face! Dammit Creed...
Angela: Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,000.
Oscar: Great, they stole my laptop.
Kevin: Yeah, well, they stole my surge protector.
Oscar: How does that even compare?
Kevin: Oscar, I'm now going to be prone to surges.
- Permalink: Yes, that's correct. I need to cancel checks from 10,001 to 90,0...
Phyllis: Hey, I'm collecting for the baby shower.
Kevin: But Phyllis, it's not his baby.
Phyllis: I know, Kevin.
Oscar: Why do we have to pay money to get a gift for his ex-girlfriend's unborn sperm bank baby?
Phyllis: Look at it as if you're paying for the cake, not the baby. Sheet cake.
- Permalink: Hey, I'm collecting for the baby shower. But Phyllis, it's not...
Oscar: Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away.
Andy: I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar.
- Permalink: Been here nine years. Now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park h...
Michael: Hey. Ready? Come on, show me excited!
Michael: Yeah, I'm pretty excited too.
- Permalink: Hey. Ready? Come on, show me excited! Yes. Yeah, I'm pretty...
Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan's big project was the website. Which wasn't doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as offices and once in the website sales, which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, I think, was the beard.
- Permalink: Well, this is what happened. Uh, Ryan's big project was the webs...