The Mentalist

Sundays 10:00 PM on CBS
The mentalist
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Escort Deputy: The arresting officer advises protective custody.
Deputy Bulger: Are you a cop or a child rapist?
Jane: Neither.
Deputy Bulger: What do you need protective custody for, then?
Jane: Well, I guess I don't.
Deputy Bulger: Your funeral.

Lisbon: How did it go with Bosco?
Jane: Good. It was, uh, it was very good. We had a frank exchange of views.
Lisbon: So he's gonna keep us in the loop?
Jane: No.
Lisbon: No?
Jane: Wouldn't direct me to the bathroom if my ass was on fire.

Jane: Can I please continue working with you?
Lisbon: I thought you were quitting.
Jane: You know I didn't mean that.
Lisbon: So the job is worth wile, is it?
Jane: Uh, it's not that. I mean, it' not that at all. It's just... I have nothing else to do.
Lisbon: No jokes. From now, there have to be boundaries.
Jane: Agreed.
Lisbon: I need to know that you can do your work and be effective without creating a mess that I have to clean up.
Jane: No mess, I swear.
Lisbon: On that basis, you can remain with the unit.
Jane: Thank you.

Cho: Nice. I could arrest you for that.
Jane: You'll never take me alive, copper.
Cho: Seriously.
Jane: Seriously, it's Marilyn and Charlie. What, do you want to make a comedy arrest, see your name written in the weird news section?

Cho: How is he?
Lisbon: Guess what, he's a bad patient.
Cho: Who would've thought.
Jane: I'm not a bad patient. She's a bad visitor.

Jane: Oh, please don't look at each other like that.
Lisbon: Like what? You can't see.
Jane: I can feel. I can feel your pity.

Jane: Grace, personal question. Rigsby and I were wondering, uh...who is this man you were kissing by the coffee cart?
Van Pelt: That's...that's none of your business.
Jane: Not from payroll?
Van Pelt: Payroll? No, he doesn't even work here. It's none of your business.
Jane: Well, thank heavens for that, at least. No killing needed.
Rigsby: Don't be so sure.
Jane: You'll see. Honesty's best.
Rigsby: Yeah, honestly, I'd like to kick your butt right now.

Rigsby: Jane, I need to ask you a favor. I need you to, uh...I need you to find out from Van Pelt about this guy she's dating. You know, what's the score?
Jane: The score?
Rigsby: Is it serious? Are they, uh, you know?
Jane: Ask her yourself.
Rigsby: Yeah, right. No. Come on. You know the situation. It's against the rules, relationships between coworkers.
Jane: What are you, a man or a mouse?
Rigsby: A man, obviously.
Jane: Could've fooled me.
Rigsby: If it's that guy from payroll, I will kill him.
Jane: Well, that would be a strong, romantic statement. Women like a man that would kill for them. Hey, Van Pelt!
Rigsby: Don't!

Patrick: Can't sleep alone, huh?
Fricke: Some people use cocoa and a good book. I use beautiful women.

(observing Cho) Kid's a natural. Look at him. The Cho. No business like Cho business.

Patrick: Do you know who killed Claire?
Fricke: No.
Patrick: Interesting. He is either a habitual liar telling the truth, or he's an honest man lying.

AP: (talking about the painting) $50,000,000, right there.
Patrick: It's about $10,000 right there. It's a fake.
AP: The hell it is.
Patrick: Fake as a $6 bill.

Displaying quotes 397 - 408 of 435 in total

The Mentalist Quotes

Jane: The point is there's a coded message here.
Cho: Or doodles.

Krystal: Oh, you're trouble.
Jane: Harmless as a fly.