Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPeter Griffin Quotes
Brian: Peter, what are you doing?
Peter: I'm not goin' to family night - my agreeing with Lois was just pure theater. Come on, we're jumpin' off the roof.
Brian: Are you insane? We'll kill ourselves!
Peter: Don't worry, we can fly! I got this pixie dust from a magic fairy - either that or it's speed I got from a transvestite at a diner. [noise of loud sniffing] Agh! It's the speed! It's the speed from the diner!
Brian: Peter, let go of me! Aggh—! [he and Peter belly flop to front porch] Dammit!
Peter: I put our family on the map tonight. No longer will we be just those faceless nobodys who brought the bird flu to Quahog.
Lois: You know, there's something seriously wrong with the man who always puts his friends over his family.
Brian: Come on, Lois, I think you're overreacting. What's so wrong about a guy hanging out with his buddies?
Lois: Buddies? You're one of his buddies?
Brian: Yeah, and you know why? 'Cause I don't try to tell what he can and can't do.
Lois: Oh, please, Brian. You're just two people living in the same house. If you didn't, you'd never hang out with each other in a million years. He owns you. You're his property.
Lois: How could you do this? You have a family!
Peter: For once, could you visit me in jail and not criticize me?
Peter: I gotta take a bath. [Billy is watching him]
Billy: Go on then. We're both men.
Peter: Well.... alright I guess.
Billy: There you go... [Peter gets naked and Billy starts laughing] ...look at that? What is th... WOAH Solar eclipse blocking the sun, do not look directly at it. [laughs again]
Peter: What... what, what, what the hell... what are you doing?
Billy: I'm just making a comment... ummm... need to know something. Do you hear the word "Morbidly" a lot?
Billy: Don't take this the wrong way, but have you actually got a penis?
Peter: Yes.
Billy: Where... where is it?
Peter: It's in there.
Billy: Are you sure, so it's like all snuffled up in there is it?
Peter: Oh, the hell with this... Lois, get the ruler. We're measuring again, and this time, I decide where the base is.
"Hey Lois, that not-Stewie kid fell over."
"I was 18 and my body was firm from push-ups and sit-ups..."
Peter: "I'M Back Bush?"
Quagmire: "This can't be a surprise to you, Peter."
Peter: "Yea, I knew, I just didn't know you knew!"
"I'm not afraid to stand up to friends. Just ask Spartacus!"
"You don't now how smooth Quagmire is...he's like a vagician!"
Peter: "And tell the African-American elevator employee that he can stop wearing gloves."
Carter: "Why don't you just tell him that he can sleep with my wife too!"
"Yes, the penis one."
