Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPeter Griffin Quotes
Black Knight: You see kids your father is nothing but a fizzle!
Peter: Nobody calls me a fizzle and gets away with it! Except that one guy who called me a fizzle and then ran off. He got away with it. But most people who call me a fizzle don't get away with it. Well, actually, that guy who got away with it was the only one who ever called me a fizzle. After today ... only half the people who ever called me a fizzle will have gotten away with it
Peter: Hey, kids! Hey, you know what I do? I work at a toy factory and you know what I do there?
Boy: I bet you're just one of those low-level assembly-line guys who stands there all day screwing heads on dolls. "Ooh, is it on straight? I don't know." Boooo!
Peter: Why, you little snot-nosed...
Teacher: Mr. Griffin! He plays kickball in the park after school. Get him there
You know, since money's getting tight, I was gonna suggest that we eat the kids. You know, jokingly at first, but then I was gonna gauge your reaction and if you were cool with it, we would go from there, but this is a much better idea
Peter: Are you training to be a jouster too?
Mort: Yes. I'm trying to overcome my terrible fear of swords. A man in a pirate costume stabbed me in the ear when I was nine, and again when I was thirty!
Peter [while videotaping a bag blowing a wind]: Look! It's dancing with me! It's like there's this incredibly benevolent force that wants me to know there's no reason to be afraid. Sometimes, there's so much beauty in the world, it makes my heart burst.
God: It's just some trash blowing in the wind! Do you have any idea how complicated your circulatory system is?
Peter: Hey, c'mon Stewie. Your mom and I have something for you.
Stewie: Oh let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn and turn, until, whoop, big shock, a jack pops out. And you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside
Look at all the garbage the damn Leafers are dumping on our lawn. The New York Post, New York Magazine, the New York Mets
Don't worry, I got an idea. An idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about
Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually
Lois: If you kids don't knock it off, we're not goin' to McDonald's after church.
Meg and Chris: MOM!
Peter: Don't worry. We're goin'. B-B-But you don't get the Supersize.
Chris: OH!
Peter: Okay, you can Supersize. But no apple pie!
Meg: Oh, come on!
Peter: Okay, you get an apple pie, but you can't blow on it
Brian: What about the "writing angry letters and not sending them" exercise?
Peter: Aw geez, I wasn't supposed to send those?
Meg: Look, I got a letter from dad! Dear Meg, for the first four years of your life, I thought you were a housecat. Dad!
Stewie: Dear Stewie, get out. Oh, that's nice.
Lois: Mine just says Dear Lois, and after that it looks like someone just spit on the paper
Lois may be worth a million bucks to you, but to me she's worthless
