Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Hey I see a couple of old people, this isn't one of those catheter commercials is it? Because if it gets too descriptive I'm gonna start to squirm. Oooh I just did it to myself.

Phil: Little heads up, there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding.
Claire: Phil you cried on the way here.

That's it a beautiful mind, harness that crazy into something positive.

Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire or fear how much I love her.

Claire: Do you remember when summer meant fireflies, cut off shorts, and ice cream trucks?
Phil: Well we got one out of three!

When my dad is ready he gets to pick his own girlfriend, that's the big upside to your wife dying. Also not having to think before you speak.

I know that tone. You're making a point.

Phil: How low can you go?
Haley: I'm at a roller rink with my family on a Saturday night. I win!

You've just gotta tell him man to man, woman to man, you're very shapely.

Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one...that went on for awhile.

In this scenario he's the Tonya and I'm the Nancy!

It's Luke's career day. I thought I'd offer the kids a chance to put their face on my body.

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