A happy kid is like an anti-depressant. But a natural one, not the kind your husband has to find in your jewelry drawer.

Haley: That's the old salvage yard where kids go to get high.
Claire: What? We are going there right now!
Phil: Wait, wait are you sure?
Haley: I'm gonna answer and then I'm gonna walk away, deal? I'm 420% sure.
Phil: Wow, she's bad at math.

Phil: Sounds fun, wear your helmets.
Manny: We will. I'm not writing my first novel by blowing through a tube.

Phil: He seems like a real go-getter huh?
Haley: Why cause he goes and gets things?

It’s all gravy, when you’re in the A.V.

She’s like a self-cleaning oven.

Luke: It's called growing up and having your own interests. Like the minister's daughter in your precious Footloose.
Phil: Wow, using my own movie against me. Let's hear it for the boy.

Phil: Remember the great Kevin Bacon on footloose?
Luke: More like Foot-loser.

He keeps resisting but it's in his blood. I come from a long line of dancing Dunphys. A kickline actually.

Just when I’m so close to the Canadian border I can smell the bacon and reasonably priced medications.

As a my favorite redhead once sang, “the sun will come out tomorrow.” That redhead of course was Mitchell, introducing me to the plucky orphan Annie. Whose never say die attitude pulled this country out of a little thing called The Great Depression. And anything a little girl can do, I can try to do too.

Two things I bring to every open house, my lucky pen and a smile. I haven’t sold a house all month. Do you see me saying “I’m done”? Never. Because there is no “done” in Dunphy.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.