Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire or fear how much I love her.

Claire: Do you remember when summer meant fireflies, cut off shorts, and ice cream trucks?
Phil: Well we got one out of three!

When my dad is ready he gets to pick his own girlfriend, that's the big upside to your wife dying. Also not having to think before you speak.

I know that tone. You're making a point.

Phil: How low can you go?
Haley: I'm at a roller rink with my family on a Saturday night. I win!

You've just gotta tell him man to man, woman to man, you're very shapely.

Claire: You have dumb ideas.
Phil: Name one...that went on for awhile.

In this scenario he's the Tonya and I'm the Nancy!

It's Luke's career day. I thought I'd offer the kids a chance to put their face on my body.

Phil: She's like the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Cam: With cuter hair.

Prepare to Phil the agony of Dunfeat! Both names!

Phil: It's coming from the future and it ain't pretty.
Haley: I don't understand, in the future I'm not pretty?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.