Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Phil: Is there some kind of dress code for Godparents?
Claire: You're not wearing a fedora Phil.

When I was 17 I was really close to my friend Stacey's mom. Mrs. Robinson was a former cheerleader so she knew just how to massage my legs after practice. She had her own homemade bengay that didn't burn no matter where she rubbed it on me.

These jeans just slipped on me so perfectly, my name must be "Pantserella."

Haley: You used to be fun.
Phil: You used to be....what? Oh yeah, at college.

That's the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.

Yeah I was pretty ticked off that Mitchell double crossed my double cross.

Claire: You don't make a shiv out of a knife.
Phil: yeah you make a shiv out of a rusty spoon or a shard of glass.
Claire: Or a human femur.
Phil: Exactly, be creative.

Let's get Phil-sical.

It's kind of my lucky number. It's the year Footloose came out.

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