Wolowitz: Okay forgot giant ants. How about giant rabbits?
Raj: Big or small, I don't like rabbits. They always look like they're about to say something, but they never do.
Sheldon: Rabbits do have a respiratory system that would support great size. And as a side note, they are one of the few animals whose scrotum is on the front of the penis.
Raj: Maybe that's what they want to talk about.

Raj: These methods come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me conquer my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to meditation, I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.

Sheldon: I can't give a speech.
Wolowitz: No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Raj: Before the movie, you did twenty minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.

Raj: In Avatar, when they have sex on pandora they hook up their ponytails, so we know that their ponytails are like their junk.
Wolowitz: Yeah, so?
Raj: So when they ride horses and fly on the birds, they also use their ponytails...
Wolowitz: What's your point?
Raj: My point is if I were a horse or a bird, I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.

I'm so glad we came to this gentile strip club! Howard, here's more bacon to tuck into the shiksa's g-string!

Raj [to Howard while on the phone with his mother]

Leonard: You want to talk endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
Raj: Dude, there's six seasons.
Leonard: Oh crap.

Leonard: It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies; it belongs to him.
Wolowitz: Fine, he can have it back -- as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.
Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.
Wolowitz: Clearly, you've never been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashana.

Wolowitz: Damn paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut!
Raj: Obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

I'm a walking, brown Yelp.com.

Raj: Come on, let's get a drink.
Sheldon: I don't drink.
Raj: Well I do, and when my wingman is carrying a Green Lantern lantern, I drink a lot.

Sheldon: I'm sorry Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight, much less one that's linked to race riots in the 1940s.
Raj: Race Riots?
Sheldon: The "Zoot Suit Riots?"
Raj: Ohhhh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale.

Raj: We'd just see what's what.
Sheldon: That's a semantically null sentence.

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?