South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite Randy Marsh Quotes
Butterflies have no concern for such things. Now I'm gonna go find myself some butterfly poon.
Stan: Mom says to stop trying to give yourself cancer.
Randy: Just gonna get a little bit of cancer, Stan, tell mom it's okay.
And we want our moms to stop tripping because bitches be tripping all the time!
Randy: Hey Stan, my computer says we're not friends anymore.
Stan: My Facebook profile went rogue, dad. Had to go into the circuitry and do battle with it. I sent all my friends somewhere else.
Randy: Okay, so we're not friends then?
Stan: Fuck off dad.
(Randy breaks it to the quintuplets that their grandma died)
Randy: Everyone who has a grandma, step forward.
(Stan, Cartman, Kenny and quintuplets step forward)
Randy: Not so fast, girls.
You should be saving it for when you die. That's our money.
Newscaster: The spontaneous combustion problem escalates as more and more people go back to holding in all their farts. Meanwhile, the ozone layer continues to deplete as others refuse to hold in their farts for fear of combustion. As we all know, the cause for all of this is Randy Marsh, the son of a bitch who calls himself a scientist. We caught up with Mr. Marsh earlier today and he had this to say:
Randy Marsh: Uhh, I, I don't know what to say--
(Cuts back to the newscaster.)
Newscaster: What an asshole! I hate that guy and so do you! And now onto the weather! It' f(beep)king hot! Thanks to Randy Marsh; son of a bitch.
Stan: I made a promise to Jesus.
Randy: Stan, Jesus doesn't matter when Muhammad is involved.
Old Man: Didn't kill him, did ya? Nah, I didn't think ya had it in ya.
Randy: We scared him, we thought it'd be enough!
Old Man: Milk man don't get scared, not with free pussy at every doorstep.
Randy Marsh: Hey, if you watch another guy masturbate, does that make you gay?
Jimbo: What!?
Randy: Well, I just, I have this buddy, uh, he sat and watched this other guy play with himself.
Guest: Well, let's go kick his ass.
You can't just hang out with your buddy, Kyle, all the time. People will think you guys are, you know, funny.
I can't believe you boys gave us herpes...you little rascals.
