Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South-park

Randy Marsh: Hey, if you watch another guy masturbate, does that make you gay?
Jimbo: What!?
Randy: Well, I just, I have this buddy, uh, he sat and watched this other guy play with himself.
Guest: Well, let's go kick his ass.

Stan: Dad, they tried to shoot at us!
Randy: Not now, Stan.

Stan: (whining) I don't want to go to this stupid party!
Randy: Come on, Stan, you're gonna have a great time.
Stan: No, you guys are going to have a great time. Whenever there's a party, the adults get to hang out and have fun while the kids spend the night locked in the basement, eating stale pretzels.

Gerald: Just because we shared an intimate moment in the hot tub, I'm not going to let it-
Randy: We did not share and intimate moment, okay? That makes it sound gay!

Man #1: Well, you know what I heard, I heard that he's gay.
Man #2: Oh, is he really?
Randy: Who?
Man: What?
Randy: Who did you hear is-is gay?
Man: Ricky Martin, the singer.
Randy: Oh.

You can't just hang out with your buddy, Kyle, all the time. People will think you guys are, you know, funny.

Jakov: THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO THE GAME YOU GUYS!
Randy: No problem, Jakov.
Men: (cheers)
Jakov: GO NINERS! NINERS!
Gerald: We're cheering for the Broncos, Jakov!
Jakov: Oops!
(Men watching game)
Jakov: DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHAT? I WATCHED THIS RABBIT, IT'S A BROWN RABBIT, AND GUESS WHAT, IT TOOK DOOKEY RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!
Randy: Hey, Jakov, do you mind if you could buy some pretzels for us.
Jakov: OK! Do you have money?
Gerald: Here and don't go to the store down the block, go to the Fairplay place four miles from here, they have better pretzels.
Jakov: OKAY! (trips) OOPS!
Mr. Mackey: Jakovasaurs kinda piss me off, mkay?
Men: Yep.

Randy: Mayor! I have it. I found out why people spontaneously combust.
Mayor: [over the phone] Why?
Randy: It's too complicated to explain over the phone.
[Cut to clipboard that says:]
Boyfriend == > Death
Girlfriend == > Death

Randy: Stan, go live with Kyle's family.
Stan: No dad, Kyle's dad sucks. He can't even get a nerection.
Randy: (chuckles) Really?

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