Ron: Sell the zoo animals.
Ben: OK, to whom?
Ron: Cosmetics labs, weird restaurants. I'm just spitballin' here.

Right off the bat, we sell city hall. Let somebody turn it into a large gas station or a TJ Maxx.

I'm an official member of a task force dedicated to slashing the city budget. Just saying that gave me a semi.

Ben: We need to cut expenditures by 32 percent.
Ron: Let's make it an even 40.

Andy: How long is it going to last?
Ron: If we're lucky this building will be empty for months.

Leslie: Why would anybody ever eat anything besides breakfast food?
Ron: People are idiots, Leslie.

Leslie: I really made love to the pooch on this one.
Ron: Screwed the pooch?
Leslie: I don't like that term. It's too vulgar.

Leslie: Well, don't be such a baby. I cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.
Ron: I ate it already.
Leslie: What?
Ron: I could smell it in your purse before I even parked my car. And now it's gone and I hate everything.

Leslie, my first wife Tammy tried throwing me a surprise birthday party . When I saw my friends hiding through the window, I drove to a gas station, called the cops and told them people had broken into my home. I'm not big on surprises.

Ann: Hey, Ron. Did we make out last night?
Ron: Good god, woman. No.

What's a not-gay way to ask him to go camping with me?

What exactly will you be cutting? And how much of it, and can I watch you do it while eating pork cracklings?

Parks & Rec Quotes

History began July 4th, 1776. Anything before that was a mistake.

Ron

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.