The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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I believe the appropriate metaphor here involves a river of excrement and a Native American water vessel without any means of propulsion

I am not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I've seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended

Raj: I'll tell you what, how about we go rock-paper-scissors?
Sheldon: Eww, I don't think so. Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the game of rock-paper-scissors, players familiar with each other tie 75-80% of the time due to the limited number of outcomes. I suggest "rock-paper-scissors-lizard-Spock"

I trusted you with my e-mail address, and you betrayed that trust by sending me Internet banality.

Penny: Wait, Sheldon. This has gotten way out of hand. Okay, I've done some stupid things; you've done some stupid things. How about we just call it even and move on with our lives?
Sheldon: I've done no stupid things.
Penny: Look, you've got to meet me half way here.
Sheldon: I am meeting you half-way. I'm willing to concede that you've done some stupid things

Leonard: Put it on the agenda.
Sheldon: You have to make a motion to put it on the agenda.
Leonard: Oh, I'll make a motion, but you're not going to like it

Sheldon: The entire nation dedicated a decade of effort and treasure to put a man on the moon.
Wolowitz: Well, my fellow Americans, before this year is out we will put a Wolowitz on one of America's top models.
Raj: And a large number of people will believe it never happened

Ramona: You're not going to Halo night
Sheldon: Yes, I am. It's Wednesday. Wednesday's Halo night.
Ramona: Didn't a great man once say, "Science demands nothing less than the fervent and unconditional dedication of our entire lives"?
Sheldon: He did.
Ramona: And who was that great man?
Sheldon: Me. Sorry, Leonard.
Leonard: Seriously? You're not coming?
Sheldon: You heard her. How can I argue with me?

Sheldon: Looking out at your fresh young faces, I remember when I, too, was deciding my academic future as a lowly graduate student. Of course, I was fourteen. And I had already achieved more than most of you could ever hope to, despite my 9:00 bedtime. Now, there may be one or two of you in this room who has what it takes to succeed in theoretical physics, although it's more likely that you'll spend your scientific careers teaching fifth graders how to make papier-mâché volcanoes with baking soda lava.
Leonard: Oh, good God.
Sheldon: In short, anyone who told you that you would someday be able to make some significant contribution to physics, played a cruel trick on you—a cruel trick indeed. Any questions? ... Of course not. I weep for the future of science

Sheldon: Please, please, I don't have a lot of time. Ramona finally dozed off and I need you to help me get rid of her.
Penny: Get rid of her how?
Sheldon: I don't know, but apparently I'm in some kind of relationship, and you seem to be an expert at ending them.
Penny: Excuse me?
Sheldon: I see man after man leaving this apartment, never to return.

Sheldon: How am I going to get to work?
Leonard: Take the bus.
Sheldon: Oh, I can't take the bus anymore. They don't have seatbelts, and they won't
let you lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords.
Leonard: You tried to lash yourself to the seat with bungee cords?
Sheldon: I didn't try; I succeeded.

Sheldon: Leonard, have you ever wondered why my little toes and lateral incisors are significantly smaller than the average for someone of my size?
Leonard: I wonder a lot of things about you Sheldon, but not that

Displaying quotes 625 - 636 of 749 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.