TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Yes, I have a dream... I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.

Michael: Why don't you go outside take a shot of insulin and have a nap?
Stanley: Why do you always assume I have Diabetes?
Michael: I don't know. Your frame. Your build. Why don't you have a glass of apple juice and tell me you're not a Diabetic?

Gabe: Stanley, it's your turn.
Stanley: I didn't do it.
Gabe: What a rich timber your voice has.

Dwight: How would one of you feel, if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company.
Erin: Holy cow. I'd be so happy.
Dwight: I wasn't talking to you, Pale Face.
Erin: I know, I mean I'd be happy for them!
Dwight: What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train, straight to middle management.
Stanley: Dwight, I know this program. "Every color is important because together we make a rainbow."
Dwight: Yes.
Stanley: I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.

Phyllis: You didn't decorate it?
Jim: No.
Dwight: Exactly.
Jim: We didn't, because we think it'd be better to do it together.
Dwight: Everyone.
Andy: Why would you wrap it in a sheet, if you're not covering anything up?
Pam: Is it ... is it fake?
Jim: Pam!
Dwight: Yes, we are unveiling, an artificial tree, that will never die...
Jim: Yes.
Dwight: Like the spirit of Christmas!
Stanley: We're supposed to applaud you for taking a giant diaper off fake tree?
Dwight: This was a successful unveiling! Go back to work! Merry Christmas!

Stanley: Michael don't listen to them.
Michael: Thank you Stanley.
Stanley: You just ignore their carping.
Michael: Okay.
Dwight: Michael.
Michael: Yes.
Dwight: A carp is both a fish and a term for complaining. They're mocking you with wordplay.

Stanley: Anyone wanna trade anything for a toaster?
Kevin: Does it have slots for hot dogs?
Stanley: No.
Kevin: Who would want it?

Jim: Ok I thought I saw people missing.
Michael: Yeah. Just focus grouping a product expansion idea to these folks. Got one of each.
Jim: Really. Hey Stanley, what was the last thing Michael said before I came through the door.
Michael: Stanley you don't need to answer that.
Jim: Stanley?
Stanley: If you don't smell this you're fired.
Jim: Ok. Michael, I thought we agreed to not take up people's time with meetings like these.
Michael: What do you mean by "these people"?

Michael: David Wallace and I have talked and we have decided to promote Jim to the position of co-manager.
Stanley: Co-manager of what?
Michael: Of ... your butt!

Michael: Hey Stanley, where you going big guy? Up to no good?
Stanley: I'm meeting a client, do you have a problem with that?
Michael: No, no, no, no. I just had a quick question for you, I am casting a movie and I'm looking for a woman who can dance, a beautiful woman. Do you know anybody?
Stanley: Goodbye.
Michael: Oh my God! Wait a second, do people often say they're going on sales calls and then go someplace else? Because that's not cool.

I usually don't enjoy the theater, but this is delightful.

Michael: So from the bottom of my heart to the top of my heart, I am sorry.
Stanley: Are you giving us our clients back?
Michael: If we could just focus and go down the line, and everyone would say, "apology accepted," I think we would all feel better. And then we can break out my gift to you - complimentary white chocolate bark.
Stanley: Nobody likes that stuff except for you.
Michael: They wouldn't make it unless people liked it.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 81 in total

The Office Quotes

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

Andy

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael