You've got herpes, too? This house is like backstage at a Whitesnake concert.

Oh my god, look at you! You're more herpes than dog!

Stewie: Are you blood brothers with Meg because you ate her tampon out of the trash?
Brian: No, that, that's something else.

You know you've made it when you've got a teenage boss.

Meg, could you zip up your fly? That's kind of wafting over here.

Dammit Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together! We were gonna become windsurfers! I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good.

How does it feel to be the least-cultured person at a bus station?

Well, looks like Archibald Meatpants is gonna have a fun night.

Look, it's not like we've got a lot to live for. I'm just going to end up like Chris, only I'll be smart enough to realize how miserable I am.

The porn is free but we have to watch it in the lobby.

It says here there's a continental breakfast. Oh...the continent is Africa.

Stewie: I haven't had this much fun since I hosted the Oscars! (cutaway scene starts)
Stewie: Good evening. I just want to say that I have the utmost respect for women everywhere. And also the Jews. Good night.
(Newspaper spins in: "Best Oscars Ever!")

Family Guy Quotes

Hey, its Thanksgiving. Shouldn't you be in Detroit losing a football game right about now.

Brian

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Al Harrington