The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Superintendent Chalmers Quotes
Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?
Principal Skinner: Dirksen, tuck in your shirt. Jaffee, spit out that gum!
Leopold: You really think it's a good idea to give that freak his job back?
Superintendent Chalmers: Aw, he seems to know the students' names.
Chalmers: We have reason to believe your son has been dealing drugs.
Marge: Dealing drugs? That's impossible, he doesn't have the math skills.
Chalmers: Marge, I know you've tried everything to keep Bart under control. Ritalin, Lithium, Zoloft. Well they didn't work, he has moved on to drugs.
Superintendent Chalmers: Leopold?
(Leopold approaches the podium. The students gasp at his threatening presence)
Leopold: All right you little punks, pick up your freakin' ears, because I'm only gonna say this once. From now on, things are gonna be very, very different around here... (Students gasp, he quickly changes to a cheerful demeanor) ...with your new principal, Ned Flanders!
Principal Skinner: You yell at me for everything.
Superintendent Chalmers: Well I cant yell at anyone else. Teachers have unions. Students have parents.
Principal Skinner: What about Willie?
Superintendent Chalmers: I like Willie.
(After the Diet Coke and Mentos explosion.)
Superintendent Chalmers: Skinner! (Pause) Skinner?
Principal Skinner: I'm alright, sir.
Superintendent Chalmers: Don't ever scare me like that again.
Chalmers: I hate waiting. That's why I hate risotto.
Skinner: Even mushroom risotto?
Chalmers: What do you think?!?
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh, I have had it; I have had it with this school, Skinner! The low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children.
Principal Skinner: Oh, now I really think the children's appearance--
Superintendent Chalmers: Seymour! You are in very, very big trouble.
Thank the Lord? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer. A prayer in a public school! God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion!
I'm dating one of your mothers. I forget which one.
Superintendent Chalmers: You're fired!
Principal Skinner: I'm sorry, did... did you just call me a liar?
Superintendent Chalmers: No, I said you were fired.
Principal Skinner: Oh. That's much worse.
Superintendent Chalmers: Willie, you're the new principal.
Willie: Who's the new groundskeeper?
Superintendent Chalmers: Also you. And you don't get more money.
