Ted Crisp Quotes
Ted: Okay! Everybody's here.
Linda: Okay! Everybody's here.
Ted: I know you're co-leading this, but that doesn't mean just repeating what I say.
Linda: Maybe you're repeating what I say just before I get a chance to say it.
Veronica: I know what you're going through. When my little sister came along, I was very jealous. That feeling never went away--even when she so she was older and I put testosterone in her orange juice, so she became became hairy and unlovable and got kicked off the gymnastics team for doping.
Ted: Oh, my God!
Veronica: I was not a perfect child, Ted. My parents only had so much love, and I got it, and Monkey Girl didn't. Anyway, don't be like that.
Ted: I'm saying, can't we just let this one go? It wouldn't be the first time we didn't hire a brilliant scientist because someone at the company would be upset. Remember Bob Hitler?
Veronica: No, I forgot the scientist named Hitler. Okay, fine, we won't go after Lem's mom. But this would be easier to sell upstairs if someone named Clifton had bombed the hell out of London.
Ted: And I can't get enough of the company's love.
Linda: Maybe you and the company should spend a weekend in wine country together, share a couple of bottles one evening, maybe convince it not to wear panties to dinner. [walks away]
Veronica: You should jump on that, Ted, before the crazy outweighs the hot.
Gentlemen, when you fight like that, manhood weeps.
The potential for a long-lasting light bulb is enormous. In a recent study, people's desire to see things ranked third, right after hitting things and trying to have sex with things.
Rose: I have an opinion about that.
Ted: Well, it's not up to you, honey. When you call the shots, we end up buying boats.
Rose: A boat. One time.
Ted: $140,000.
Rose: I think we're done here.
Veronica: You have to be smart to be an assistant. You have to be totally in sync with your magician. Know when to pull the wire, slip him the key, ice his nipples.
Ted: Well, after meeting Kristi, looks like Mordor's gonna have to pick a lock with flaccid nipples.
Ted: So people are not loving the slapping.
Veronica: You think I like it? Touching all those strange faces--it's gross.
Ted: Plus, you could get fired. Plus, it's a weird-ass thing to do.
Veronica: Yes, Ted, I know. I shouldn't hit people on the staff. I've been hearing that since grade school.
Linda: So I'm setting you up with my friend Rebecca. She's beautiful and a veterinarian. so when you meet her, if you start trembling and pee on the floor, she'll be okay with it.
Ted: Well, it is my move.
Veronica: Okay, fellas, nerd it up.
Ted: We've been developing a new search engine, and unlike language based search engines, this face-matching technology uses visual recognition...
Veronica: Less nerd, more English.
Phil: You take an image of a person...
Lem: Or "picture."
Phil: And scan it into a computer...
Lem: Or "magic box."
Linda: I'm not embarrassed to say, this is helping.
Ted: I hope you're not upset.
Linda: Nah. You stole from the company for me. How could a girl be mad at someone that does that? You're like my thief in shining armor.
