How I Met Your Mother

Ted Mosby Quotes (Page 12)

Ted: Like I'm totally going to sit my kids down and talk to them about the time Barney nailed seven chicks in a row.
Future Ted: Am I a bad dad?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Hey look at me - I promise I will not fall in love with your roommate.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: It's funny sometimes you walk into a place and you know you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: So do you ever date cute idiots?
Cindy: Almost exclusively.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: What's Lily gonna say when she finds out.
Marshall: Lily's not going to find out. I have a system.
[five seconds later]
Lily: You smoked.
Marshall: Dammit!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: This is it. Last. Cigarette. Ever!
Ted: What are you doing? You haven't smoked in six months? Is this about the McRib? Seriously, dude. Let it go.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Remember when we used to be able to smoke IN bars?
[flash back to smoke-filled haze]
Ted: Hey dude, I think that hot girl over there is smiling at me.
Barney: Uhh, that's a chair. But yeah, dude, hit that!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: They're dividing our group into smokers and non-smokers. That's not healthy.
Barney: You're right. [pause] Let's go have a smoke!
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: I am not a smoker. I only smoke in certain situations: post-coital, when I'm with Germans, sometimes those two overlaps, coital, birthdays, to annoy my mom, pre-coital, on a sailboat, the day The Mets are mathematically eliminated every year, and, of course, wait for it, cause lord knows I have, pregnancy scares.
Ted: Why are you smoking right now?
Barney: I'm always pre-coital, Ted.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Ted: Come on, take it to the roof, we said no smoking after you torched the throw rug doing push ups.
Marshall: Yeah, God robin. Not only is that a filthy habit... but can I bum one?
 • Rating: Unrated

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